38 weeks - some pics

The finish line is in sight! I can't believe we've only got (give or take) two weeks to go!! I stumbled across a few IVF forums tonight whilst googling (my guilty pleasure) pregnancy & labour stuff. Anyway, they really took me back. I just can't believe I was one of those ladies who was so consumed by the whole process but was too scared to dare imagine they'd be successful. And yet, here I am.

What a ride it's been.

I'm not sure if I'm really ready to let go of this pregnancy. I mean, I'm really starting to struggle carrying this heavy load; I ache all over & can't keep up with the same things I used to power through, like housework, or shopping! But I've just wanted to be pregnant for SO LONG! And it seems to have gone so quickly. I now understand what some women (and I do realise it's only some women) mean when they say they'll miss their bub being inside of them. I know he/she will be on the outside soon & I'll get to enjoy them still, but I'll miss feeling the movement inside my belly. I won't miss the hiccups though!!! ;-) Sheeesh!!

Anyway, I have a few pics I'd thought I'd share. Prepare yourselves, they're not all pretty LOL!

I think this one was taken around 32 weeks. Just some of the weird shapes Malibu creates!

This one was around 35 weeks I think. This kid has sharp heels, or elbows, or something?? Ouch!

My sexy cankles a few weeks ago! :-o 

And this was taken at 37 weeks.. notice the stretch marks sneaking up from the bottom...

There's much darker ones in the middle just above my panty line.

Just when I thought I'd escaped! :-(

Still no sign of labour. I've had a few twinges like "lightning crotch" here & there but nothing significant. No sign of the lovely mucous plug yet either. I'm starting to get anxious for things to progress so I don't go overdue & risk induction but at the same time I've still got things left on my "to do" list before the big day. Just household stuff, do my tax etc. Oh, and I really should schedule some REST. I haven't done much of that at all & I'm told over & over & over (& over) by other mums to make the most of this time as I won't get any later blah blah. I know they're right, but I get bored easily. 

And yes, I know I'm going to regret saying that very soon ;-)

37+4 update

Dr wrote on my antenatal card that I'm 3/5 engaged. Woo, we have progress! I hadn't felt much change since last week, in fact I was feeling less pressure & pains down there, so I thought we may have gone backwards if that's possible! He didn't do a cervix check, just felt my belly & listened to the heartbeat. Poor DP - it took the Dr  a few seconds to find which freaked him out! I wasn't too worried cos I'd just felt bub wriggling like crazy.

My blood pressure has gone down a tad, too, which is good. I think I'm settling into maternity leave better this week so it may be due to that. I've been nesting like crazy!! Today I was cleaning window sills, which led to whole windows, which led to light switches etc etc! You'd think Malibu was going to come home & immediately start crawling around licking the walls the way I'm carrying on!

My mum sent me a picture of the portacot she bought for us. We're flying interstate for Xmas to spend time with our families & she is going slightly overboard buying baby things for us to use while there. She started getting really emotional on the texts tonight talking about the special bond between a mother & daughter, and how different it is to when my brothers had their first kids. It was sweet.

Anyway, doc doesn't think I'll be going into labour anytime in the next week so I'm sure I'll have another routine appt post thus time next week. In the meantime I've got a pregnancy photo shoot booked for Friday which should be... interesting. I hope I don't look ridiculous!!

Group B Strep test @ 36+4 weeks

Just wanted to post about my obstetrician's appointment today to alleviate anyone else's fears about the Group B Strep test.. he did it with a long cotton tip & it was such a breeze! It didn't go in very far, just mostly around the outside.. Then he did a quick internal examination to see where bub was. He could feel the head but said it wasn't engaged yet, was still "floating". And that exam wasn't that bad either. Really, I've had worse! In fact I was surprised he could feel the baby's head when it didn't seem as though his fingers were in very far. The dildo cam at the IVF clinic was MUCH more invasive LOL!

36 weeks & counting!

Soooo... I had a bit of a stress out yesterday thinking the baby might not be growing enough. But, as you can see, I don't think there's any problems there! This comparison has quelled my fears LOL! I had my baby shower yesterday & all the girls were commenting on me not looking very big, just having a compact belly etc. which was a surprise to me because I thought I was huge! But I do think I'm very lucky in that I don't think I've gained much weight anywhere else (maybe just a bit in the butt area but that's not unusual for me). My obstetrician said at my last appointment that the baby was just average size. I wasn't expecting that as my family tends to have VERY large babies so I just assumed I would too. But I've still got 4 weeks to go so I'm not counting my chickens yet!

I finished work & started my maternity leave on Friday. Wow, I didn't quite take it the way I expected! I had been hanging out to finish as my job is very taxing & stressful. I was counting down the days. But as soon as I finished I was left feeling so flat & depressed! In fact until my baby shower yesterday, I was a wreck! I guess it was just so overwhelming & such a shock to suddenly realise I won't be going there for a long time, and won't be seeing those people for a while either. I'm a very independent person normally so the fact that I won't be earning a wage anymore added to all that. And I've also discovered that after years of being manically busy, I don't cope well without structure. I just saw the days stretching ahead with no purpose. I'm not the kind of person that enjoys lazing on the couch for long periods of time. Don't get me wrong, when I had to go to work it was all I would crave! But in reality, I get bored. I know I have to get some rest, but I need other things to keep me occupied. So I've written myself a "to do" list before bub arrives & I'll try to schedule little jobs each day. I'm also scheduling a little bit of exercise to pep me up each day. Today I went for a relatively slow walk to the park for about 20 minutes. I felt so much better after it. Definitely something to remember. Of course in between all these "duties" I'm also going to rest & watch some trashy TV, just not all day :)

I'm finally getting over a cold I had since about 32 weeks. The first cold I've had in about a year and of course I got it in the third trimester. What a struggle! I'm also struggling to sleep - between numb hands, sore hips, leg cramps & a full bladder I wake regularly through the night. I also seem to be getting some morning sickness back again! I didn't get much in the first trimester so maybe this is karma! When I wake early I start feeling dodgy and I have to get up to eat some breakfast. Of course an hour or so later I can barely keep my eyes open so I have to go down for a nap. I guess this is all just the practice they talk about for when we have a bub at home. My ankles swell fairly regularly still but after wearing some stockings for a day or putting them up for a while they do start returning to normal. I'm leaking milky discharge constantly (sorry, TMI) and always on the lookout for the mucous plug. Nothing so far. "Malibu" is still moving around a lot, that doesn't seem to have slowed down much. I get the occasional sharp kick but mostly just limbs sticking out & making my belly all sorts of weird shapes. It's just fascinating.

Anyway, my moods are up & down these days (more so than before I think) but I feel much better today & starting to get a handle on calming down to enjoy these last few weeks. I'm enjoying a bit of nesting - it makes me feel like I'm getting prepared & less overwhelmed. I'm just starting to enjoy this pregnancy again & look forward to Malibu's arrival, rather than feel daunted by it. I don't know if this is common in women who have struggled with infertility in the past - it made me feel terribly guilty & confused.

I realise I'm incredibly lucky & blessed to be in this position. I don't want to waste a minute of this amazing journey feeling anything but positivity. As scary as it is, I already love this baby more than anything & I know I'll do the best that I can in childbirth & parenthood. Bring it on!

x

31 weeks - diary entry

So I figured I should jot down some of the stuff I'm feeling & experiencing lately.. just in case I'm lucky enough to get preggy a second time & want to refer back to what happened last time.

I am just sooooooooo happy still to be "with child"! I feel so blessed & just amazed how far we've come :) Despite coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually FINALLY pregnant a while ago, the novelty of it all still hasn't left me. Especially when "Malibu" kicks or moves. And boy, does he/she move!

I may just be growing a sumo wrestler inside me! Bub is getting stronger every day! Just when I think he can't kick any harder or poke that foot out any further he shocks me! Takes my breath away sometimes. But I love every minute of it.

OK.. my back aches, my hips click, I'm slow & cumbersome, my feet hurt, my ankles are puffy, my voice has changed & sounds constantly nasally, my nether regions feel heavy & strangely achy (but actually nowhere in particular, just generally???).. apart from all that, I'm just blissfully & sickeningly happy. I am LOVING being pregnant. I have hardly felt sick at all. I am so lucky.

Now for the reality check.. I can see the finish line in sight & it's starting to freak me out! I'm worried about the lack of sleep ahead of me. Seriously, I LOVE my sleep! I'm not a nice person if I haven't had a good sleep for a couple of days. I don't cope well. I'm a shift worker so I've had to endure this on numerous occasions but there's always a sleep-in over the horizon. There will be no horizon for some time to come. This is concerning me.

I'm also worried about not having any family living in the same state. They're ALL on the other side of the country! We don't have many close friends here either. Our closest friends (who we don't see that often) are child-adverse. They're not baby people. They don't have kids of their own and they're very vocal about never having wanted them. They're not the type of people I could ring up & ask to take the bub off my hands for an hour or so if I'm not coping. I do have some lovely work colleagues, but I'm not so close to them that I would feel ok about ringing for help. However they've had kids themselves & I'm sure they would understand.

DP is very hands-on & excited about the upcoming birth. He works 4 days on, 4 days off so he'll be home a lot to help. And I know he will. But I'm worried about it being just the 2 of us with no-one else to lean on. Will we cope? Will our relationship withstand the pressures? Will we still like each other in 2 years time? God I hope so.. cos he's been my rock & my whole world for so long. And he's giving me all I ever wanted in the form of this baby, despite needing a lot of convincing in the first place.

Am I also worried about the birth? Of course! It's only just starting to concern me though. Originally I thought I'd just go for the epidural & it would all be ok. But now I'm reading a lot of things that urge towards natural pain relief for my situation. I've got a lot of recurring tailbone pain from a ski fall two years ago. I'm not sure if I broke it at the time.. but it took ages to heal. The Dr didn't alleviate my concerns by saying there's a chance I may rebreak it during labour. Oh.My.Lord!! So after a bit of research it seems I'm better off not getting an epi so I can be on all fours to take the pressure off, and being able to feel the pain so I don't do any more damage. Now I'm so confused. I'm not the type of person who believes in airy fairy mind-over-matter methods, although I envy those who do. I'm not strong of mind, I can't convince myself about something I don't believe in. I want it to be a calm experience (as calm as possible anyway) and natural labours always seem to unnecessarily panicked to me. Hypnobirthing sounds interesting, but I feel like I need to do way more research & learn about all the alternatives. But I'm worried I've left it too late.

I've also just found out my best friend (who lives in Brisbane, just a short plane ride away from us in Sydney) has just bought an awesome house back home in Perth (where I'm also from). She & her husband were trying for a baby for a year or two as well but are having trouble. Now they're planning to move back west to be near family. And I'm jealous. I'm jealous they can afford this amazing house & jealous they're going to be near family again. She deserves it.. but I hate that I felt a fleeting shot of regret for not being in their situation. How crazy is that?! We probably can't afford a house (we live in a tiny apartment) but we do have an investment property in Perth.. and - WE'RE HAVING A BABY! I am happy. But I'm also jealous. Ugh.

OK, back to the positives. I think pregnancy suits me. I've had so many compliments since announcing it. My skin has cleared up amazingly & my hair is shinier. I also like wearing colours which I usually avoid. People keep telling me I look great (well most people, a few love to tell me I'm HUGE! And sorry, that's not really a compliment, but I refuse to feel offended when I'm so happy about it). I'm making the most of the next couple of months. I'm already getting sad about this baby leaving my body. I will miss feeling him/her inside me! Maybe ask me that again in another few weeks.. but for now it's true. I love being pregnant. I really do :)

30 weeks - I'm still here! (incl. belly pics)

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't posted for so long.

I got back from London a couple of weeks ago & after a week of severe jetlag then back to frantic work, I've finally found a few minutes to update you all.

All's well here. We're 30 weeks & going strong! Well, Malibu is definitely strong! I have limbs frequently sticking out of my belly now. I poke them back but this little one is stubborn & has started poking me back just to prove a point. LOL.. I love it really!

Work in London was tough.. I'm not kidding anyone. It was grueling &, if I had my time again, I probably wouldn't do it. Not pregnant anyway. I was violently sick for a short time on the flight over and my ankles were swollen the whole time I was away. It was so tiring & I found myself getting very emotional - homesick & missing DP badly! I'm soooooo glad to be home.

Just before I left Australia, I started getting some strong hip & buttock pain. And it only got worse as time went on. Of course my obstetrician just said it was sciatica, to keep taking panadol for the pain & the only cure was childbirth. But I've still got 10 weeks to go - way too long to spend in severe pain with difficulty moving! So I took myself to a physiotherapist who discovered that my pelvis was out of alignment due to a skiing mishap two years ago. The added weight of the baby put more pressure on the ligaments & some were being overworked to compensate for the misalignment. Anyway, she did a great job trying to push everything back into place.. and has given me some exercises.. which I really must do more.. to strengthen my core. Basically I feel a lot better than I did but I'm still a little achy. That I can live with.

So that's pretty much what's been happening in my world. Just six more weeks to go at work before I can (hopefully) put my feet up & just chill for the last time in my life. Malibu had better not have any ideas of coming early. Mummy needs some "me" time!

Sorry if this pic isn't great quality.. am too tired right now to figure out how to make it better. Basically it starts just after 12 weeks & is every four until 28 weeks. Pretty sure I've grown heaps more since the last one so lookout for the 32 week update!! :-/

23 weeks - Need Sleeeeep!!

Wow - I just re-read my last post.. hormonal much? A slight overreaction. 

I'm back to myself again. Feeling positive & happy & lucky & blessed. Because I am.

I am pregnant and my little one reminds me every day that he/she is really in there. 

I'm starting to actually SEE my belly jolt from the outside now & it's bizarre LOL!

But what I'm not really loving is the lack of sleep. The last few weeks I've found it painful lying in bed. I start lying on one side but it hurts within a couple of hours so I wake up & have to roll over to the other side, and vice versa (which isn't easy when you've got to lug a big belly every time). I've got a body pillow (called George :) which I'm learning to straddle to keep the weight & pressure off my hips. It's starting to help a little, but now my knees & ankles are aching too & I have to keep flexing & moving to stop them seizing up. Oh the joys! Poor DP - lucky he's a good sleeper & can easily fall back to sleep once I've disturbed him! As a result of all this I'm getting up early cos I just end up frustrated in the morning & give up! Also I seem to wake Malibu up early & start getting kicked as protest! Not that I mind that of course, but I can't get back to sleep then cos I like to rest my hand on my belly & communicate with him/her.

As if the aches weren't enough, I think the lack of sleep is also attributed to my mind not switching off. One thing I can't stop thinking about is NAMES! Ugh. We've had our boy's name sorted since before we fell pregnant. We've come up with some other back-ups but we've both liked one particular name for ages. As for our girl's name.... well that's another story! We've got a list a mile long & none of them seem to be right. Either DP doesn't like them, or I'm not fussed, or we like the name but it doesn't roll off the tongue with the surname, or it doesn't go with the middle name which is fixed, or it could be hard for people to spell, or easily mispronounced etc etc etc! We keep coming up with new names which doesn't make the process any easier. I lie in bed some nights just going through the alphabet & making up names! It does my head in!

The other thing on my mind is that I fly overseas for work in 4 days. I'm REAAAALLLLY not looking forward to the flight. Especially as my obstetrician said he doesn't want me to sleep onboard, he wants me to keep moving around every hour or more. I am going to be One.Grumpy.Passenger when I get to the other end!! I pity my colleagues travelling with me! I'm also travelling cattle class & desperately trying to get upgraded for some extra room. I don't like my chances. Apart from that, I'm pretty much working 10 hour shifts for 3.5 weeks solid with NO DAYS OFF. Why did I agree to this? I'm asking myself the same question. A few weeks back I wasn't as anxious cos I was feeling great! I didn't know what my friends & family were worried about. And both my obstetrician & GP assured me that taking this trip wouldn't put the baby in any danger. They were both very positive about me going. But now the aches have set in. Yikes! As much as this is going to be a great experience & probably my last big hurrah for a long time, I just can't wait until it's over & I'm back home. I'm also going to miss DP dearly.. obviously. He's going to miss a whole month of this pregnancy & I feel guilty. But he's philosophical about it. He said it will make the pregnancy go quicker and I'll be that much bigger when I get back.

And on that point, I'll leave you with a conversation we had last week:

DP: I wish you'd hurry up & have this baby.

ME: Why?

DP: Cos I'm bored & got no-one to play with.

ME:   :-)