May 25, 2012
So today we're 16 weeks along.
I'm still absolutely gobsmacked that I'm pregnant! I was in the shower the other day and when I looked down I was SHOCKED to see my burgeoning belly. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I am startled to remember there's a baby in there! I know this probably all sounds so stupid for someone who went through IVF and INTENDED to get pregnant but I guess that's what happens. You try and want it for so long that it becomes so hard to imagine. It's one of many burdens a fertile-challenged woman bears - the demon of "doubt".
You feel like it's something that happens to everyone else around you, but never you. After seeing the 12 week ultrasound I was elated & settled - I was finally pregnant & one of the lucky ones. But the demon creeps back into your mind soon enough. Only to be allayed by the next element of proof. My increasing girth should be proof enough but a voice in my head suggests it's just bloat. Thank goodness I don't have to wait long for my next appointment with wonderful Dr P.
I need more proof. I wish I could have a scan every few days. I'm happy but quietly fearful at the same time. I wish I could live in blissful ignorance like the "fertiles". But I remind myself that I worked hard for this pregnancy & I "earned" it. It's mine, it's real & it's amazing.