After 12 years of wishing, countless IVF (ICSI) cycles and a miscarriage caused by molar pregnancy, I finally got my miracle baby in 2012! Now we are on a mission to make him a sibling to share childhood memories with.. but infertility is hell, no matter your point in the journey.
I've just had 2 days off work. Feeling a bit more like myself today. I tried to do a bit of yoga this morning (but had trouble doing some of the floor stretches due to my pulled butt muscle) and then went for a walk in the sunshine with DP.
Tomorrow is scan #2.
My lovely FS & (hopefully) future OB scheduled a repeat scan to help ease my fears. I'm feeling much more hopeful this time. Last time I booked myself in for a repeat scan with a private company after constant spotting & just knew there was something wrong. I don't have that same feeling this time... but it doesn't take away the nerves & fear. What if I'm wrong?
Not helping my nerves tonight is the fact that I'm currently expecting a phone call from my brother in the UK to announce the birth of his son. I'm excited for him as he's been through the wringer over the last couple of years, after his 6 year old son succumbed to Leukaemia.
We need some good news.. and I think we deserve twice as much!
Firstly I'd like to preface this post by saying: YES! I am deliriously happy that I am currently pregnant.
Now that's out of the way, here's my massive whinge:
I feel rubbish.
I feel nauseous most of the time, but haven't yet barfed.. so I know I should be grateful.
My body aches - I still have a huge pain in my butt that I think is Pelvic Girdle Pain (my own diagnosis), and now my hips hurt when I walk up stairs.
I've had a few headaches that became absolute corkers!
I have an acne beard - like REALLY angry red zits ALL over my chin!
I'm the moodiest cow on the planet right now!
I've had meltdown after meltdown, most recently balling on my DP's shoulder as soon as I got home from work today.
I'm stuffing up at my job.
I'm stressed (and my next roster has me doing an extra 16hrs of overtime in one week as we're shortstaffed!).
I can't think straight.
I am eating like there's no tomorrow.
I have a massive gut (and no, it's not baby. I've read it's only water retention & overeating at this stage).
My clothes are bursting at the seams, and I used to be a slim person so it's getting noticeable at work.
I'm still obsessively checking my pants when I go to the bathroom for any "bad signs".
And to top it all off, my Mum went ahead and told my grandparents our news before I had a chance.. and I haven't told my brothers yet because I was waiting for our next scan later this week. I'm now stressing that my Nan (a huge fan of gossiping on the phone) will tell other members of the family and my brothers will hear it on the grapevine first. I'm also stressing my stinky cousins will get wind of the news & post something on my Facebook wall for everyone to see. I'm thinking of deleting them.
OK.. sorry for the rant. I feel better now. Until tomorrow...
But yes, once again, I still appreciate how lucky I am despite it all.