August 16, 2014

ICSI #5 - Crazy shit. Day 2.

So, again on a whim, I decided to do another cycle this month. Next month will be busy at work and I just found out the Australian Government is increasing the Medicare Safety Net threshold from January next year (2015) which means our out of pocket expenses will increase. So the more cycles I can fit in before then the better. If this one doesn't work I'll probably do one more before Christmas. Probably.

I don't know how I do it, but crazy shit always seems to happen when I start a cycle. First clinic appoint - car battery dead. Running late. Garage key missing. Can't get other car out. Toddler running rampant. Hubby rings right then. Abuse hubby. Blame hubby for lost key & flat battery. Run back upstairs dragging narky toddler behind. Go ballistic. Crack the shits. Find the key in handbag.

Ring clinic. Tell them we'll be late. Back downstairs. Open garage. Buckle poor squirming toddler into car. Take off. 10 minutes late, but all fine at clinic.

Bad mummy & wifey moment. Probably won't be the last.

So last night was my first injection. As per every other cycle, I stress about the time I pick for injections. It has to be the same time every night and has to fit into a break time during my erratic shifts. I study my roster & decide upon 10.15pm this month. But last night, I was still flat out as my alarm went off... in a room full of colleagues, and no escape. As soon as we finished, I bolted to the loo so I could inject. But of course a colleague was walking out with me and insisted upon waiting outside the door.. with other colleagues.. and many members of the public walking by. I could hear their conversations from inside, and hoped to God they couldn't hear me LOUDLY unravelling the plastic bags and opening the plastic container with Gonal-F pen and ice block in. Hands shaking, I rigged the pen & I stabbed my tummy in a panic. Of course blood started pooling on my belly & OF COURSE I was wearing white! Stuffing paper towel under my top I hurriedly packed everything away, again LOUDLY, flushed the loo, washing my hands & dashed out. I'm sure I took WAY longer than the duration of a pee, but they didn't say anything. God how embarrassing! They probably thought I was having issues from dinner or unwrapping sanitary pads or something. Ugh.

To top all that off, the killer headache kicked in first thing this morning. Ah yes, I remember you. And you SUCK! Panadol is not helping. I'm drinking as much water as I can to no avail. This bit really blows. Actually all of it blows, who am I kidding?

My boss has kindly agreed to rework my roster to avoid my calculated Egg Collection date (cycle day 14), but this is MY rough calculation based on previous cycles, and is no guarantee. So this still doesn't alleviate my stress in trying to cause little impact on the rest of my department. My boss & I had discussed taking a week or two off around the collection date this time but that hasn't panned out. My dear & much loved Nan passed away a couple of weeks ago so I had to take time off to travel interstate. If I took time off now it would look too suss and raise too many questions. Maybe next time. I hope my new Angel up there can pull some strings and ensure there doesn't need to be a next time.

I'm just so so immensely grateful I have my beautiful and happy little boy, so I know I am infinitely blessed... but it still feels so unfair to have to face this horrendous journey again to complete our family. Why any of us should have to go through this infertility garbage I'll never understand. But at least I have been, and still am able to use IVF. I know I'm lucky, really.