September 26, 2011

8w3d - Bleeding update (beware TMI)

I had an appointment with my GP today & she said the bleeding isn't a major concern. Ha! For who?! She said if it gets heavier, redder & with clots at the same time as abdominal pain then it could be bad news.

Just when I thought it was tapering off I had more on the TP today. And another small clot. It's still brown & darkish, not red. I came home from the docs a little more relieved but these latest episodes have darkened my mood all over again.

Doc said she's had patients who have bled through their whole pregnancy. But she also said no amount of scans would change the outcome & I just have to learn to accept fate. If it's going to end then that's just the way it is unfortunately. I have so much trouble letting go. I need control & knowledge. It's who I am. But I am going to have to find a way to relax & let nature do its thing. I just hope nature is going to be kind to me & my baby.

September 25, 2011

8w2d - Bleeding scare

I'm so scared. Yesterday I flew interstate for work, & I went to the toilet just before my busiest time. I wiped & there was brown discharge. It continued on & off through the evening & this morning. Today there was a dark brown stringy clot (sorry for TMI). It's the weekend. I have a check-up scheduled already with my GP tomorrow after an early work shift. Google is scaring me. Some positive outcomes but a lot of bad ones. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. This can't be happening. Please please please let my baby be ok. I've seen his heart beating. He's real. I can't let him go now!