July 17, 2015

One is the loneliest number.

Hello strangers :)

Sorry for the lack of updates since my last cycle.. it just gets exhausting sharing bad news over and over. I try as much as possible to move on with my regular life after a round of IVF.. so please forgive me if I go MIA for a while. I promise I'll update you at some point.

So. Here's where we're at:


Yes, I'm a glutton for punishment. I've jumped back on that crazy arse roller coaster.
We went back to Bump for another try & I had my egg collection / retrieval / pick-up yesterday. And the result?


Yep, ONE lonely egg.

I seriously can't believe that I endured all those injections, blood test, vaginal scan, bloating, crazy hormones, expense.. & just ended up with one egg. That's what you get in a natural cycle for F's sake!!

So, they defrosted a whole straw of DH's frozen sperm for ONE good wriggler to inject my ONE and only egg. They've booked me in for my transfer on Monday but I can't bring myself to write it on my calendar. I'm also meant to be working but I'm not going to mention it to my work yet (I'm casual). We won't get another update until just beforehand (hopefully the day before but not sure if they do that on the weekend) so I could tell them I'm unable to do my shift but end up not having the transfer anyway. IF it happens, I'll ring up sick.

DH gave me the whole "be positive" pep talk again but I just can't do it. I told him I'm sick of trying to think positively & then being crushed when the inevitable happens. It makes no difference. I know, I'm a hypocrite. I am the same person who wrote a post about positive affirmations a few years back. I re-read them tonight just for shits n giggles by the way. But I don't truly believe that my mindset is solely responsible for the outcome of a cycle. If it's going to work, it will. I've also come to the conclusion that certain foods or potions aren't going to influence things either. Not to the point that the result hangs on whether I ate pineapple before transfer or took CoQ10 before retrieval or had acupuncture throughout the cycle. But I'll admit I still do some of those things out of habit.

So to summarise, you NEVER learn how to cope with IVF the longer you do it.

Quite the opposite. Yep, I'm a basket case. Who's with me?