The D&C went okay. It wasn't quite as traumatic as I'd feared, although it obviously wasn't pleasant. The clinic staff were so wonderful, they really looked after me. I was so glad I didn't go through the public hospital system. And so glad I could get through the whole experience so quickly.
I had quite a bit of pain when I woke up from the anaesthetic but my recovery nurse made sure I got enough medication to feel very little of it.
In a weird way, despite feeling obvious sadness, I also felt relief. I feel guilty for saying this but I was so relieved that it was over & I didn't have to worry about that bleeding & the fate of my baby anymore. I could finally start healing & move on. I did go through some grieving, and had a bit of a meltdown a few days after the procedure, but it didn't last long.
The meltdown was caused by a phonecall a couple of days later from my doctor. He told me the lab did some tests on the "tissue" (i.e. the baby) and found some "funny" cells. He said they think I had a Partial Molar Pregnancy. He said it was nothing to worry about but they would have to monitor me & do blood tests to make sure the HCG in my body was going down. After doing my own research, I've discovered that a Molar Pregnancy is caused by chromosomal problems resulting in abnormal cells. Usually a Partial MP is caused by 2 sperm fertilising one egg, or double the amount of male chromosomes fertilising a blank egg. Not sure how this happened in ICSI, but there you go. If there's any of these cells left behind inside me they could spread, and I could end up having to get some mild chemotherapy. Hence the meltdown.
It's just over 1 week on from the D&C now and I'm doing better. I've yet to have my appointment with my doctor to discuss everything further and I have a lot of questions. Mainly I want to know when we can start trying again. I've read most women are told to wait 6 months after their HCG reaches zero, in a PMP. In a Complete Molar Pregnancy it's 12 months. This isn't good news. I'm already 36 years old. My darling partner is 51 next month. Six months is a lifetime to me right now.
But I'm going to enjoy life again & appreciate everything I've got. DP is confident we'll have a healthy baby soon. I'm trying to adopt his attitude. He's become the clucky one in the relationship whereas I'm more cautious & try to ignore babies. He's so lovely to me. I'm so lucky to have him. I'm going to concentrate on that for now & hope for a brighter future for us.
I hope anyone reading this who has been in the same situation can offer me some hope, or if anyone is going through such tough times right now can see that life does go on. And our time will come. It has to xx
