Insanity + ET

This morning I had one early blastocyst transferred.

The other embryo was still at the 8-cell stage so it hadn't progressed since day 3. Of course they gave me the usual "oh we'll watch & see if it catches up overnight" but I know this never EVER happens. At least not for us.

So here we are again, PUPO, and hanging all our hope on one tiny ball of cells.

From the moment I was told we only had one to transfer, and that it was just barely a blast, I've been down. I'm just not feeling it. I know I should be positive and optimistic.. but I'm struggling.

Actually last night it suddenly dawned on me that hubby will be 60 in less than five years. Holy crap! All this time he's been telling me he feels bad about potentionally not being around to see our kids grow up & I've dismissed it. I thought he's young at heart so it'll all be fine, because I just wanted another child so bad... but seriously, this guy has heart disease. I almost lost him when our son was just 9 months old. His condition is under control with medication but you just never know. Plus having another child would place extra stress on both of us.. Perhaps I really am being selfish. Perhaps this second baby isn't happening for us because it's just not meant to, for good reason.

I think this could really be our last roll of the dice. Don't they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? I think the definition of insanity is me.

Day 3 embryo progress

The scientist called this morning & I rushed out of the shower to answer the call... with my fingers crossed the whole time.

The two embryos we had on day 1 have both made it to day 3 - both are at the 8 cell stage. She said at this point they like to see between 6 & 8 cells so they're both on track. She reiterated that they have a lot of developing to do over the next couple of days so there is a chance one or both could falter after this yada yada. We'll get another call tomorrow from a nurse with an update & details about our transfer on Tuesday, if we get that far.

I think I will end up with arthritis or something from all the finger crossing..

PS. I had a lovely day out today with hubby & little guy. I also ended up quite tipsy. I know many wouldn't do it, but I'm throwing caution to the wind & just enjoying life this time. It was a great day :-)