Freakin control freak

Well I've got 15 minutes until I have to spray & inject and then I can go to bed! Time for a quick update.

Last time I wrote here I was feeling pretty down. Today I'm still a bit low but not so much negative & depressed, just a bit over everything. Still, I'm trying to remain positive. Just had a lovely cuddle with DP so that's cheered me up ;-)

I had another blood test yesterday & the nurse called to say my figures were going fantastically and the Dr was very happy with them. She was a lot chirpier on the phone than the last nurse so that helped my mood. I'll be going for another test & my first ultrasound on Monday in my lunchbreak. Fingers crossed I've got lots of good quality follicles!

It's estimated I'll be having my embryo collection next Friday or the following Monday. My boss has someone on standby to fly in from interstate and fill in for me if it's Friday. I'm really hoping that's not the case so I don't draw attention, although I would personally prefer not to be waiting longer than necessary.

It's so frustrating to have these things out of your control! I'm a control freak so this whole process is torture to me! I'm used to making things happen how & WHEN I want them to. I really need to work out how to just "let go".

Time for my next "hit" now. Goodnight x

Work is hard work

Feeling a bit down today.

Had a call from one of the IVF nurses to say I should keep going with all the meds as per normal for now but I will only need a blood test on Friday, not an ultrasound. When I asked why she said my oestrogen levels aren't as high as they'd like, so there's probably not much to look at yet. Therefore I'll probably have the scan on the Monday instead. I'm disappointed because they'd originally estimated at the start of my cycle that I'd be having the egg retrieval on Monday. Looks like I'm behind the eight ball already :-(

I'm also disappointed because I finally told my boss about everything & had to give her an idea of dates I'd need off for egg collection & transfer. My job is really inflexible & the rosters are written a couple of weeks in advance, so I can't really change my RDOs without inconveniencing others in my department. I know if you're "sick" you're sick but I still stress about it. And I didn't want to draw attention to myself by changing around the rosters. My colleagues might start asking questions. Damn it!

I can stop stressing: stress is ok!

Woohoo! Thank goodness for that. I DO have a chance ;-)

Study: Stress Doesn't Hinder IVF Success Rates

Magic Potions

I'm getting a bit psycho about nutrition now. After researching my butt off, I've gone & spent a fortune on weird & wonderful potions in the hope that at least ONE of them has the magic ingredient for a successful pregnancy. Being the cynic I am (I was trained at uni to question EVERYTHING) I know I'm being ridiculous.. but now I'm having a kind of internal tussle between my rational & intelligent old self, and my desperate & irrational new self!

I've been taking iron tablets for a couple of years now due to anaemia. I used to take iron & vitamin C which worked well and kept me fit & strong. I've now switched to iron & folate tablets, but wondering whether I should have gone the popular prenatal vitamin route to cover me for everything?? I eat a fairly balanced diet so my FS didn't think it was necessary but the doubt has now set in. I've also been taking Omega 3 fish oil capsules for a while to help my aching joints. I've heard this can be helpful during IVF so that's a bonus!

So on top of these "normal" potions, I'm embarrassed to say I've bought Goji berries. I read somewhere that they're full of excellent antioxidants which do something for cell formation or something or other. Who knows? But they COULD be the one thing that help me get pregnant! I've also bought Flaxmeal, full of Omega 3 & fibre. On top of helping keep the aches at bay, and keeping me regular, it could ALSO be the one key to success. Oh, and I just found some zinc tablets in my cupboard & the label says they're good for the reproductive system. Gulp, down they go! Someone else said on the net that organic is good during IVF, so out I go for 3 boxes of super expensive organic muesli. I heard you should keep your belly warm before egg retrieval so I'm heating up my wheat pack every 10 minutes!

Now this is where I contradict myself. I'm currently downing a packet of water crackers smothered in chicken liver pate. I had a craving, and I figure I won't be able to eat this sort of stuff if & when I'm pregnant so may as well enjoy it now! And they say to limit your caffeine intake. I'm not a coffee drinker but I'm still having my 1 cup of tea in the morning, then decaf for the rest of the day. I'm smashing chocolate bars like they're going out of fashion but I refuse to believe there's any caffeine in them! I'm also hunched over the computer keyboard with very bad posture, which is also a no-no according to the IVF gods... but writing a blog is therapeutic so it cancels it out, right??

Hmmm.. ok well I've just re-read that line & decided I really need to get outside, exercise & enjoy some sunshine before Winter sets in. That way I can spend the rest of the day on the computer guilt-free.

Bye for now xxx

Funny video - THOSE thoughtless comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=mm9b6C9hBZ4

Getting Started: those awesome meds!

So, I found a reputable fertility specialist not far from home & told him our whole story (so many obstacles but he didn't say it was impossible!). As suspected, he's suggested we try ICSI which is where they inject a single sperm into a single egg. This method is useful where there's a male factor. So darling DP was scheduled for an open testicular biopsy where they cut a small incision & retrieved some semen. The lab assistant found some sperm so doc closed him up & sent him to recovery. Very quick & fairly painless according to DP. We signed some forms to agree to freezing the sperm for use during my cycle.

A few days later I spoke to the FS who said DP's sperm wasn't great but was ok enough to be frozen. He thinks it shouldn't be a problem but said DP would have to be on "standby" to go back for a biopsy on the day of my egg collection if the spermies don't thaw well. This means we will both have to fast on the day (torture!) and may need someone else to pick us up from the clinic as we'll both be drowsy :-/ I felt like I'd been kicked in the guts when he told me this. But it's just a minor setback & I'm now trying to remain positive.

So I got back in touch with the IVF clinic. They started me on Synarel nasal spray whilst I was still on the birth control pill (called a crossover). I then stopped the pill when they told me to, stayed on the spray & waiting for my period. That came a few days after & was a lot heavier & longer than usual. On day 4 of my period I went back to the clinic where the nurse took another blood test & gave me the Gonal-F injections in this nifty easy-to-use pen. Another nurse rang me that afternoon to say my blood test was good & I should start the injections that night.

I should also say at this point that I am a shiftworker in television production. Those of you who are also shiftworkers will know what I mean when I say this process is an inconvenient bi-atch! The amount of times already that I've had to do a quick squirt up a nostril in a control room is ridiculous! One day I was sniffling & trying to stifle a sneeze after doing a quick spray under the desk.. the Director ask me if I was ok so I just said I had hayfever. Well then he pulled out every thinkable cold & flu drug out of his bag & shoved them at me, and even insisted I go to his car after work with him so he could give me his antihistimine!! I kept telling him I was ok & I'd just used a nasal spray. So much for being discreet & no-one would be the wiser! LOL

The day I had to start injections I was also working off-station. We were running late so I had to bolt to my car afterwards & basically "shoot up" & "snort" right there in the carpark!! I was worried Security were going to come & tap on my window! I had a little giggle to myself. What else can ya do huh? Luckily the needle is so fine I can barely feel it going in! That's a plus!!

Anyway, here I am on Day 4 of the injections & still spraying. I have to say, and sorry if this is TMI, but my farts are HORRENDOUS!! I was worried when I read posts about the awful spray & how bad it tastes, but that's NOTHING compared to the farts during the injection phase! My DP says when my bowels open I "unleash Hell". I love him. Because he still loves me despite my horrific smells ♥ ♥ ♥

Off to bed shortly. That's probably enough waffling for now. I'll write more when I have more to report. xxx

My Fertility History

OK. Post number 1. Where to start?

Perhaps I should begin by telling you a bit of my fertility history. This is it in a nutshell: I got married at 24 & started trying about 6 months after that. Was totally obsessed with having a baby! After about 12 months of trying I consulted my GP who referred me to a gynaecologist. Through blood tests & ultrasounds he diagnosed me with Polycycstic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) & Endometriosis. I went in for a laparoscopy where he lasered off the endo, drilled my ovaries & then put me on Clomid to produce more eggs. We had no luck after another 6 months of trying. My relationship was breaking down by that point so we abandoned the whole thing, and eventually each other. (*Pls note this wasn't due to the fertility issues, we had MUCH bigger issues than that!)

I'm now 35 (eek!) & have been living with my gorgeous new man for about 6 years and having the time of our lives after moving interstate. He's 15 years older than me & already has two older children from his previous marriage. Coming to this point has been a long emotional journey already as he was understandably apprehensive about entering fatherhood later in life & had a vasectomy after the second child. Anyway, we're finally in a great place & he is even feeling excited about being a dad again. Yay! I can get started!!! ;-)