ICSI #2 - 1dp5dt - No Frostie Frustration

Lab called - none of the remaining 6 embryos are developing enough to freeze. So that's that. The lab tech tried to console me by saying the embryo they did transfer was an excellent one.

Now there's so much more pressure for this transfer to work. I had a bit of a meltdown this morning. Gorgeous DP just hugged me & let me cry. But then I finished, wiped my face & carried on with the rest of the day. It really sucks. Once again we're facing the possibility of another full fresh stim cycle if this one doesn't work. I have no idea how I'm going to get time off work again. I had a week & half this time & will undoubtably be facing questions when I return tomorrow. I'm trying to live in the here & now, and only worry one day at a time, but it's hard. I've got some major interstate events at work over the coming months & it's really going to be difficult to dedicate a few weeks at home to the process.

And to top things off, last night I was reading a book when I suddenly realised I hadn't inserted my Crinone yet! About 2hrs late! Is that a problem?? I don't know! Also I woke up this morning in a pool of sweat - I'd accidentally left my electric blanket on all night & I was really hot! I hope I haven't cooked my poor egg!

Today I went & bought some 100% grape juice & strawberries (for implantation apparently). I've read lots about pineapple cores but I'm worried it can also cause miscarriages. This is my vain attempt to claw back some control. I'm also going to try Apple Cider Vinegar for my skin again - it's still very red & angry. By god that stuff tastes highly offensive!!

You'd better still be going strong in there embie - you hear me? STICK!!!! Please.    


And sorry your mum's so forgetful! :-/

ICSI #2 - Embryo Transfer

Today we had one 5AA hatching blastocyst transferred. Feeling very positive & happy today :)

Have spent the day lying around on the couch snoozing, eating & watching rubbish television. Can I just say Sex & The City 2 IS rubbish! Enjoyable, but rubbish all the same. I digress.

DP came in with me for the transfer this time, upon my insistence. If we were going to make a baby together I wanted him to at least be present ;-) Last time I wasn't told he could come in with me so it was a bit sad & lonely. Anyway, our FS said we had one really good blastocyst (woohoo!) and the other 6 (I thought we only had 4 left) were developing slowly so they wanted to watch them overnight. I was a bit sad to hear this. When the lab called me yesterday they never indicated any were in doubt. I guess they slowed down overnight. I'm keeping everything crossed that they pick up & we're able to freeze some for a future FET.

This did bring up a question in my mind: my clinic usually only allows 1 embryo to transfer but if there's another one that's fairly weak & may not make it to freeze, why not transfer it as well? At least give it a chance under normal conditions? I hate the thought of them going to waste because they're not quite up to the freezing & thawing process. I know very occasionally women fall pregnant on average embryos so why not give them a go in a fresh cycle just in case? I might ask the clinic about this tomorrow if I remember....

ICSI #2 - Embie Update (4dpEC)

We're down to 5 compacting morulas today. The other 2 are a bit slow but "showing signs of compaction". We're booked in for the transfer tomorrow morning.

I was struggling a bit yesterday. I've luckily been given time off work for the procedures & to get some rest but I just can't relax! I was also feeling a bit short of breath & slightly wheezy. I'm not sure if it's just stress or a side effect of the Crinone.

I need to get out & do something today. Try to cheer myself up a bit.

Positive Affirmations (hear me out)

Now before you think I'm a hippy weirdo - I just want to preface this post by saying I was the most cynical of all IVF ladies out there. But in my opinion it doesn't hurt to try and be upbeat & positive, cos we all know this experience tries our strength & resolve to the absolute max! Since I've been saying these lines to myself at night (suggested to me by a non-IVF friend) good things have been happening. So as I'm stupidly superstitious I'm going to keep going. I thought I'd share them in case anyone else is interested. Enjoy :)

I trust my body.
New balance is coming to my body now.
My reproductive organs work in perfect harmony with my body to allow an easy conception.
My body knows how to conceive a healthy baby.

I allow new beginnings in my life.

I trust and I love myself.
I accept the gift of life within myself.

I willingly release old thinking patterns based on fear and self-doubt. I allow new ones based on love and self-confidence.
I now choose positive thoughts that nurture and support my life.
I accept the responsibilities of motherhood and I know I will rise to the occasion when the time comes.
I focus on the power of now.

I release fears about age and time.
I set my worries aside and I allow my body to do its job.
I surrender to the power of nature as I celebrate a new cycle of birth within myself.
I now release all emotional blocks that prevent me from conceiving a baby.
I now release all unwanted built-up emotional patterns that prevent me from connecting to my inner self.I am now becoming more and more confident about my ability to become a mother.
I now release all my fears and concerns about infertility and I declare myself fertile.
As my sadness lifts away a renewed sense of hope settles in my heart.

I welcome my time to be a parent.

I allow my creative energies to work through me and bring me a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I deserve the best outcome and with joy I am thankful of a new life.

I experience a profound connection to the miracle of life.

I now manifest my decision to have a baby.

FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE/WANT TO BELIEVE IN ANGELS

(I know, but hey - it can't hurt... unless someone overhears you ;-)

I ask the angelic healers to remove any block that prevents me from getting pregnant.
I surrender to the healing forces of the universe.
I ask Archangel Raphael to deeply heal my mind, body and soul now.
I ask the Angels for guidance and protection every day.
I am thankful for all I am and all I have. I am at peace.
I am thankful to God and the Angels for their help, protection and guidance.
I listen to my inner guidance and I act based upon my intuition.
I listen to subtle messages that the universe is sending me so that I can find the right therapy for my case.
I ask Archangel Michael to guide and protect me at all times.

ICSI #2 - Embie Update (3dpEC)

We still have 7!! Woohoo!! ;-)

As you can tell, I'm pretty happy about that. The lab called a little earlier today & woke me up. With fingers crossed I went through the usual procedure - telling them my date of birth - before they would give me the details. She said they're all dividing nicely as they should at this stage. And she said a couple were even reaching the morula stage which is fantastic! Woo! Last time I only ended up with 1 morula to transfer on Day 5, so this is STUPENDOUS news!

More positive thinking to be done today... it seems it's paying off ;-)

ICSI #2 - Embie Update (2dpEC)

Today we're down to 7 embryoes. One of yesterday's 8 was developing abnormally so that one's out of the race. I'm still feeling positive. It's still more than last time, & the lab tech said the remaining ones are "spot on", or "perfect", or something like that. Fingers crossed all 7 are still going strong tomorrow.

We finally ventured out of the house today. Just went for lunch at a place we haven't been to before. I'm still feeling a little tender in the abs & tummy region but on the mend. DP reckons he's had no pain whatsoever in the nether regions! He said "that's why they call me num(b) nuts!". Yep, he's funny.

More farting today, more zits (at least I could put some makeup on & hide the hideousness for a few hours!)

Happy happy thoughts.. blah blah ;-)