May 7, 2015

Transfer Update

Sorry for the late update.. been trying to get "out of my head" a bit & think about other things.. Ha!

So on Friday morning, (the day our transfer was scheduled for, four days past egg collection) as predicted, I received a call from the Bump lab. Out of just two eggs which fertilised properly, one had already arrested at about 6 cells and the other had only just made it to 9 cells. The scientist gave me the option of transferring the second embryo with low hopes of success or cancelling the transfer altogether. I've just realised now that I wasn't given the option of waiting to see if that embryo went on to develop further & doing a later transfer.. but then again they only do procedures on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays so that could be why?! But he also kind of insinuated that they weren't expecting the embryo to develop to blastocyst stage anyway. It would have been classed as a good one if we were talking about Day 3.. there was little fragmentation & the cells looked good. But there was no compaction and there should have been about 12-16 cells by that stage.

I was only given about 15 minutes to call DH and make a decision. Obviously going ahead with the transfer would have some cons - the cost, both financial and emotional. Not going ahead with it would be frustrating and we may always wonder what if? We ended up deciding that my uterus was the best and most natural place for it to be & that we may as well give it a shot, even if it's an extremely long shot.

So fast forward to the following Thursday (6dp4dt) and I am trying not to get my hopes up. But Google is not my friend. On the one hand I read all these forums where women give other women like me something to cling onto. They give their own anecdotes of how they had a "slow developing embryo" and it turned out to be their baby.. or they know someone who knows someone who had an embryo that was a day behind in the lab but they got a BFP in the end. On the other hand, however, I've also come across a few pages where doctors don't mince their words & say there's very little chance that these embryos will develop further, "catch up" and attach. Or worse, some people who say they had a miscarriage or unhealthy child as a result of slow embryo.

I try to take all of these accounts with a grain of salt. But it's hard. How do you find that right balance between not losing hope so you don't get depressed, and not hoping too much so you don't end up devastated when it turns to shit? I'm already blubbering at the slightest thing thanks to the Crinone progesterone so that's' not helping my state of mind!

I've tried to carry on with life as before.. as much as one can. I've still had a wine or two (I've NEVER done this during the 2ww before I knew the result). I'm going interstate for work tomorrow night & coming back Saturday. Of course my period is due this weekend. I'm going to stock my case with a pile of tampons & not expect anything else.

Or I might pee on a stick tomorrow...