It's Over... again.

It was bad news. The baby stopped growing & was only measuring 6w2d. There was no heartbeat.

My lovely FS got me booked in for a D&C tomorrow at the Day Surgery. All too soon we're back there again.. and not to put an embryo IN this time, to take one out.

I finally cried today on DH's shoulder. I still feel numb. One minute I'm fine like nothing happened, the next I'm so angry. But these things happen.

There's not much more to say.

I came across this quote today & I'm trying to live by it. It will be a struggle but it's all I can do.

‎"Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You don’t fail by falling down. You fail by never getting back up. Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward."

9w4d update

So it's now been one and a half weeks of bleeding. I am going seriously insane. Just when I think it's tapering off & I'm getting a clear day - BAM!! I get a dark red bleed with clot. Awesome.

So, tomorrow is D-day. I'm going for a private scan. I'm so scared of what we'll see.. or not see, more to the point.

On the one hand I feel positive that I don't bleed heavy enough to hit a pad, and it's usually dark blood. But on the other hand I've read other women's accounts of their miscarriages, and some of theirs started this way too. I'm trying to be positive but I also want to be prepared for bad news. How exactly do you get prepared for this kind of news though??

I'm not religious at all, but I've been praying to.. whomever.. to please let me keep this baby, and please let him/her be healthy! I know I deserve to finally get my wish.. but it feels so far away now. This is out of anyone's hands.

Time for bed. I just hope I go to bed tomorrow night knowing my baby is still there, still going strong, and all's well in my little world. Goodnight... I hope!