36 weeks & counting!

Soooo... I had a bit of a stress out yesterday thinking the baby might not be growing enough. But, as you can see, I don't think there's any problems there! This comparison has quelled my fears LOL! I had my baby shower yesterday & all the girls were commenting on me not looking very big, just having a compact belly etc. which was a surprise to me because I thought I was huge! But I do think I'm very lucky in that I don't think I've gained much weight anywhere else (maybe just a bit in the butt area but that's not unusual for me). My obstetrician said at my last appointment that the baby was just average size. I wasn't expecting that as my family tends to have VERY large babies so I just assumed I would too. But I've still got 4 weeks to go so I'm not counting my chickens yet!

I finished work & started my maternity leave on Friday. Wow, I didn't quite take it the way I expected! I had been hanging out to finish as my job is very taxing & stressful. I was counting down the days. But as soon as I finished I was left feeling so flat & depressed! In fact until my baby shower yesterday, I was a wreck! I guess it was just so overwhelming & such a shock to suddenly realise I won't be going there for a long time, and won't be seeing those people for a while either. I'm a very independent person normally so the fact that I won't be earning a wage anymore added to all that. And I've also discovered that after years of being manically busy, I don't cope well without structure. I just saw the days stretching ahead with no purpose. I'm not the kind of person that enjoys lazing on the couch for long periods of time. Don't get me wrong, when I had to go to work it was all I would crave! But in reality, I get bored. I know I have to get some rest, but I need other things to keep me occupied. So I've written myself a "to do" list before bub arrives & I'll try to schedule little jobs each day. I'm also scheduling a little bit of exercise to pep me up each day. Today I went for a relatively slow walk to the park for about 20 minutes. I felt so much better after it. Definitely something to remember. Of course in between all these "duties" I'm also going to rest & watch some trashy TV, just not all day :)

I'm finally getting over a cold I had since about 32 weeks. The first cold I've had in about a year and of course I got it in the third trimester. What a struggle! I'm also struggling to sleep - between numb hands, sore hips, leg cramps & a full bladder I wake regularly through the night. I also seem to be getting some morning sickness back again! I didn't get much in the first trimester so maybe this is karma! When I wake early I start feeling dodgy and I have to get up to eat some breakfast. Of course an hour or so later I can barely keep my eyes open so I have to go down for a nap. I guess this is all just the practice they talk about for when we have a bub at home. My ankles swell fairly regularly still but after wearing some stockings for a day or putting them up for a while they do start returning to normal. I'm leaking milky discharge constantly (sorry, TMI) and always on the lookout for the mucous plug. Nothing so far. "Malibu" is still moving around a lot, that doesn't seem to have slowed down much. I get the occasional sharp kick but mostly just limbs sticking out & making my belly all sorts of weird shapes. It's just fascinating.

Anyway, my moods are up & down these days (more so than before I think) but I feel much better today & starting to get a handle on calming down to enjoy these last few weeks. I'm enjoying a bit of nesting - it makes me feel like I'm getting prepared & less overwhelmed. I'm just starting to enjoy this pregnancy again & look forward to Malibu's arrival, rather than feel daunted by it. I don't know if this is common in women who have struggled with infertility in the past - it made me feel terribly guilty & confused.

I realise I'm incredibly lucky & blessed to be in this position. I don't want to waste a minute of this amazing journey feeling anything but positivity. As scary as it is, I already love this baby more than anything & I know I'll do the best that I can in childbirth & parenthood. Bring it on!

x