Time to try again

Well.. here we go again! All aboard the crazy train!!

We've just started another ICSI cycle to embark upon our journey for a sibling for our precious TJ.
He's amazing. Life is chaotic. But there's more love to share.

Watch this space.......

Non-Birth Story.. The End.

I've been debating with myself about whether to post my "birth story" on here. It wasn't exactly the experience I'd hoped for (read: horrendous!) and I think I've come to the conclusion that this isn't the place for such a story. I created this blog for my own sanity but also for those going through the insane journey that is IVF. In the end, it had the most amazing outcome and I'm so happy.

Up until about a month after the birth, I couldn't believe any woman would willingly go through it twice, but 2.5 months on... I'm sooooo in love with this little boy that I'm softening on the idea. My hospital stay was grueling and I definitely didn't feel myself but... it's labour! I don't know what I was expecting! I also felt a little disconnected from the situation. I think after everything I'd been through (both the 12 years of trying and the 27hrs of labour) I was numb. It didn't feel like it was happening to me. I stared at this little creature in my arms and couldn't quite comprehend that he was here and he was mine. I don't think I was exactly "depressed" as I did feel maternal towards him and thrilled he was here and healthy, but I also wasn't quite right. I can see that now. I just couldn't connect with my emotions and feel the way I knew I was meant to feel.

I don't want to scare anyone or imply it's less than amazing.. I just want to be honest about my experience. And to let anyone else going through the same thing know that, for me, it was short-lived and you will get through it. 10 weeks on, I am finally seeing through the fog and am blissfully loving life as a mummy. I look at this angel in my arms now and feel every emotion possible that it's overwhelming. But mostly love. So much love!

Overall, knowing what I know now, I would embark upon this journey again in a heartbeat! Wouldn't hesitate. It's just soooo worth it! It's all a blur now though.. all the little details that I obsessed about every minute of the day.. the needles, the appointments, the tests, the phone calls, the worries, the anticipation, the disappointments, the crushing blows.. and so many things I can't even remember - they're all so insignificant now in the scheme of things. They were just little hurdles along the way to my destiny. And the miscarriage? I actually feel the same way.. it was just a hurdle. It was unfortunate, and definitely not a piece of cake, but it happened and we got through it. That one wasn't meant to be. Now we have our REAL miracle:

 

 I wish you all the best in your journey and hope you are blessed with your little miracle when the time is right. I'm signing off now... until we try for number two... maybe ;-)

xx

It's a boy!!! Introducing Tyler Joel :) (PIC)

Sorry for the lack of update after my last post.. I've been a little busy ;-)

Introducing TYLER JOEL (TJ to his mates):

He was born at 8.45am yesterday (6/11) after about 27hrs of labour (birth story coming in a later post).

Birth weight 3240gms, length 51cm.

He's just perfect.. very placid (a little too much so at feeding time).

I can't believe I'm finally a Mum! It's surreal.. but awesome :)

Will post more when I'm home & have more than an iPhone to type on.

39+3wks - Early Labour??

So I've had Braxton Hicks for the last couple of months but they became really frequent in the last week or two. Then the other day I had a couple of semi-painful contractions. But only a couple. They stopped. This morning I woke up as my partner was leaving for work at 5am with more painful contractions. They haven't gone away! I've been timing them (it's now 12.30pm) and they're really irregular. The frequency varies between about 10-30mins. They feel like really painful period cramps low in my belly. I'm also feeling fairly constant back pain & tightening in the belly. I tried going back to bed around 8am but woke up with every contraction. Still, it was good to get a little rest. I also used a heated wheatbag to ease the backpain which worked ok.

Now I'm just watching TV, playing Bejewelled on the computer & trying to play it cool. But could this be the start of labour? I'm not sure seeing as they're so irregular, but they are coming frequently if that makes sense. I don't want to get DP excited as he's at work trying to concentrate, so I only have this forum to vent to! My mum wanted to know the minute I started getting signs but again, I don't want to get her hyped up if it's not the real thing.

The weird thing about today is that it's the ultrasound due date! We decided with our Dr that we'd stick with the IVF ICSI due date way back in the early days as he said it was more accurate (knowing the actual date of conception & all). Plus we liked the date - 10.11.12 (November 10 2012)! But hey - at the end of the day, baby chooses its own birthday right?!

Anyway, I still haven't noticed a lost plug or had the bloody show or anything. And my waters haven't broken. I know all these symptoms don't necessarily happen straight away but I'm just hoping for a "real" sign! Until then I guess I'll just get on with things. I've got the ingredients for some lactation biscuits so I might go & bake.. that'll help pass the time a little. And at least I'll have something yummy to nibble on between the niggles.

I'll keep you posted.. fingers crossed!!

38+4 weeks - ENGAGED!

UPDATE:

Had OB check-up today. We're engaged! Well, the baby's head is.. in my pelvis. Dr said it's moved down nicely & doesn't think I'll have any problems (read: "you have child-bearing hips"). He said bub is still average size & going along nicely.

He didn't check my cervix or anything, just felt my belly (and commented that I had a nice big belly happening - thanks very much!). He checked the heartbeat & my blood pressure & said everything's spot on. He didn't want to intervene or poke or prod me too much. He said he was just going to let nature take its course at this point because I seemed to be going so well. He didn't think I'd go overdue at all but said, as this is an IVF ICSI pregnancy, he'd want to start talking induction if I went a few days over. I guess this is because we know the exact date of conception & there can be no margin for error like there is with a naturally conceived pregnancy. But again, he said he would expect things to start happening "soon".

It's so exciting & yet so frustrating not knowing at what moment this ball could get rolling. Or how. Will my water break? Will I start getting contractions? Will I lose my plug or have a bloody show? Cos apart from the fleeting stabbing pain in the vajayjay (lightning crotch), I've had no signs. I'm nesting like crazy, but I think that's just because I know I'm running out of time to get things organised at home. We did our tax returns today, returned an item to a store for a refund, took some old clothes to the charity bin, & I sorted out one of my wardrobes. I've also been listing a bunch of stuff for sale on ebay, but panicking that it'll sell while I'm in labour or at the hospital & will forget to post it out. Ha, there's another job for DP. Lucky him!

Speaking of my Darling Partner, I was adding a few items to my hospital bag & discovered a surprise box of chocolates that he'd stashed in there. So cute! But not sure if they're really there for him to stuff in my mouth to stifle the screams?? Either way, I love chocolate. So whatever works ;-)

OK, well until anything else happens.. or doesn't.. goodnight.

**crossing fingers labour doesn't happen tomorrow because it's Halloween & the anniversary of DP's mother's passing**

38 weeks - some pics

The finish line is in sight! I can't believe we've only got (give or take) two weeks to go!! I stumbled across a few IVF forums tonight whilst googling (my guilty pleasure) pregnancy & labour stuff. Anyway, they really took me back. I just can't believe I was one of those ladies who was so consumed by the whole process but was too scared to dare imagine they'd be successful. And yet, here I am.

What a ride it's been.

I'm not sure if I'm really ready to let go of this pregnancy. I mean, I'm really starting to struggle carrying this heavy load; I ache all over & can't keep up with the same things I used to power through, like housework, or shopping! But I've just wanted to be pregnant for SO LONG! And it seems to have gone so quickly. I now understand what some women (and I do realise it's only some women) mean when they say they'll miss their bub being inside of them. I know he/she will be on the outside soon & I'll get to enjoy them still, but I'll miss feeling the movement inside my belly. I won't miss the hiccups though!!! ;-) Sheeesh!!

Anyway, I have a few pics I'd thought I'd share. Prepare yourselves, they're not all pretty LOL!

I think this one was taken around 32 weeks. Just some of the weird shapes Malibu creates!

This one was around 35 weeks I think. This kid has sharp heels, or elbows, or something?? Ouch!

My sexy cankles a few weeks ago! :-o 

And this was taken at 37 weeks.. notice the stretch marks sneaking up from the bottom...

There's much darker ones in the middle just above my panty line.

Just when I thought I'd escaped! :-(

Still no sign of labour. I've had a few twinges like "lightning crotch" here & there but nothing significant. No sign of the lovely mucous plug yet either. I'm starting to get anxious for things to progress so I don't go overdue & risk induction but at the same time I've still got things left on my "to do" list before the big day. Just household stuff, do my tax etc. Oh, and I really should schedule some REST. I haven't done much of that at all & I'm told over & over & over (& over) by other mums to make the most of this time as I won't get any later blah blah. I know they're right, but I get bored easily. 

And yes, I know I'm going to regret saying that very soon ;-)

37+4 update

Dr wrote on my antenatal card that I'm 3/5 engaged. Woo, we have progress! I hadn't felt much change since last week, in fact I was feeling less pressure & pains down there, so I thought we may have gone backwards if that's possible! He didn't do a cervix check, just felt my belly & listened to the heartbeat. Poor DP - it took the Dr  a few seconds to find which freaked him out! I wasn't too worried cos I'd just felt bub wriggling like crazy.

My blood pressure has gone down a tad, too, which is good. I think I'm settling into maternity leave better this week so it may be due to that. I've been nesting like crazy!! Today I was cleaning window sills, which led to whole windows, which led to light switches etc etc! You'd think Malibu was going to come home & immediately start crawling around licking the walls the way I'm carrying on!

My mum sent me a picture of the portacot she bought for us. We're flying interstate for Xmas to spend time with our families & she is going slightly overboard buying baby things for us to use while there. She started getting really emotional on the texts tonight talking about the special bond between a mother & daughter, and how different it is to when my brothers had their first kids. It was sweet.

Anyway, doc doesn't think I'll be going into labour anytime in the next week so I'm sure I'll have another routine appt post thus time next week. In the meantime I've got a pregnancy photo shoot booked for Friday which should be... interesting. I hope I don't look ridiculous!!