31 weeks - diary entry

So I figured I should jot down some of the stuff I'm feeling & experiencing lately.. just in case I'm lucky enough to get preggy a second time & want to refer back to what happened last time.

I am just sooooooooo happy still to be "with child"! I feel so blessed & just amazed how far we've come :) Despite coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually FINALLY pregnant a while ago, the novelty of it all still hasn't left me. Especially when "Malibu" kicks or moves. And boy, does he/she move!

I may just be growing a sumo wrestler inside me! Bub is getting stronger every day! Just when I think he can't kick any harder or poke that foot out any further he shocks me! Takes my breath away sometimes. But I love every minute of it.

OK.. my back aches, my hips click, I'm slow & cumbersome, my feet hurt, my ankles are puffy, my voice has changed & sounds constantly nasally, my nether regions feel heavy & strangely achy (but actually nowhere in particular, just generally???).. apart from all that, I'm just blissfully & sickeningly happy. I am LOVING being pregnant. I have hardly felt sick at all. I am so lucky.

Now for the reality check.. I can see the finish line in sight & it's starting to freak me out! I'm worried about the lack of sleep ahead of me. Seriously, I LOVE my sleep! I'm not a nice person if I haven't had a good sleep for a couple of days. I don't cope well. I'm a shift worker so I've had to endure this on numerous occasions but there's always a sleep-in over the horizon. There will be no horizon for some time to come. This is concerning me.

I'm also worried about not having any family living in the same state. They're ALL on the other side of the country! We don't have many close friends here either. Our closest friends (who we don't see that often) are child-adverse. They're not baby people. They don't have kids of their own and they're very vocal about never having wanted them. They're not the type of people I could ring up & ask to take the bub off my hands for an hour or so if I'm not coping. I do have some lovely work colleagues, but I'm not so close to them that I would feel ok about ringing for help. However they've had kids themselves & I'm sure they would understand.

DP is very hands-on & excited about the upcoming birth. He works 4 days on, 4 days off so he'll be home a lot to help. And I know he will. But I'm worried about it being just the 2 of us with no-one else to lean on. Will we cope? Will our relationship withstand the pressures? Will we still like each other in 2 years time? God I hope so.. cos he's been my rock & my whole world for so long. And he's giving me all I ever wanted in the form of this baby, despite needing a lot of convincing in the first place.

Am I also worried about the birth? Of course! It's only just starting to concern me though. Originally I thought I'd just go for the epidural & it would all be ok. But now I'm reading a lot of things that urge towards natural pain relief for my situation. I've got a lot of recurring tailbone pain from a ski fall two years ago. I'm not sure if I broke it at the time.. but it took ages to heal. The Dr didn't alleviate my concerns by saying there's a chance I may rebreak it during labour. Oh.My.Lord!! So after a bit of research it seems I'm better off not getting an epi so I can be on all fours to take the pressure off, and being able to feel the pain so I don't do any more damage. Now I'm so confused. I'm not the type of person who believes in airy fairy mind-over-matter methods, although I envy those who do. I'm not strong of mind, I can't convince myself about something I don't believe in. I want it to be a calm experience (as calm as possible anyway) and natural labours always seem to unnecessarily panicked to me. Hypnobirthing sounds interesting, but I feel like I need to do way more research & learn about all the alternatives. But I'm worried I've left it too late.

I've also just found out my best friend (who lives in Brisbane, just a short plane ride away from us in Sydney) has just bought an awesome house back home in Perth (where I'm also from). She & her husband were trying for a baby for a year or two as well but are having trouble. Now they're planning to move back west to be near family. And I'm jealous. I'm jealous they can afford this amazing house & jealous they're going to be near family again. She deserves it.. but I hate that I felt a fleeting shot of regret for not being in their situation. How crazy is that?! We probably can't afford a house (we live in a tiny apartment) but we do have an investment property in Perth.. and - WE'RE HAVING A BABY! I am happy. But I'm also jealous. Ugh.

OK, back to the positives. I think pregnancy suits me. I've had so many compliments since announcing it. My skin has cleared up amazingly & my hair is shinier. I also like wearing colours which I usually avoid. People keep telling me I look great (well most people, a few love to tell me I'm HUGE! And sorry, that's not really a compliment, but I refuse to feel offended when I'm so happy about it). I'm making the most of the next couple of months. I'm already getting sad about this baby leaving my body. I will miss feeling him/her inside me! Maybe ask me that again in another few weeks.. but for now it's true. I love being pregnant. I really do :)

30 weeks - I'm still here! (incl. belly pics)

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't posted for so long.

I got back from London a couple of weeks ago & after a week of severe jetlag then back to frantic work, I've finally found a few minutes to update you all.

All's well here. We're 30 weeks & going strong! Well, Malibu is definitely strong! I have limbs frequently sticking out of my belly now. I poke them back but this little one is stubborn & has started poking me back just to prove a point. LOL.. I love it really!

Work in London was tough.. I'm not kidding anyone. It was grueling &, if I had my time again, I probably wouldn't do it. Not pregnant anyway. I was violently sick for a short time on the flight over and my ankles were swollen the whole time I was away. It was so tiring & I found myself getting very emotional - homesick & missing DP badly! I'm soooooo glad to be home.

Just before I left Australia, I started getting some strong hip & buttock pain. And it only got worse as time went on. Of course my obstetrician just said it was sciatica, to keep taking panadol for the pain & the only cure was childbirth. But I've still got 10 weeks to go - way too long to spend in severe pain with difficulty moving! So I took myself to a physiotherapist who discovered that my pelvis was out of alignment due to a skiing mishap two years ago. The added weight of the baby put more pressure on the ligaments & some were being overworked to compensate for the misalignment. Anyway, she did a great job trying to push everything back into place.. and has given me some exercises.. which I really must do more.. to strengthen my core. Basically I feel a lot better than I did but I'm still a little achy. That I can live with.

So that's pretty much what's been happening in my world. Just six more weeks to go at work before I can (hopefully) put my feet up & just chill for the last time in my life. Malibu had better not have any ideas of coming early. Mummy needs some "me" time!

Sorry if this pic isn't great quality.. am too tired right now to figure out how to make it better. Basically it starts just after 12 weeks & is every four until 28 weeks. Pretty sure I've grown heaps more since the last one so lookout for the 32 week update!! :-/

23 weeks - Need Sleeeeep!!

Wow - I just re-read my last post.. hormonal much? A slight overreaction. 

I'm back to myself again. Feeling positive & happy & lucky & blessed. Because I am.

I am pregnant and my little one reminds me every day that he/she is really in there. 

I'm starting to actually SEE my belly jolt from the outside now & it's bizarre LOL!

But what I'm not really loving is the lack of sleep. The last few weeks I've found it painful lying in bed. I start lying on one side but it hurts within a couple of hours so I wake up & have to roll over to the other side, and vice versa (which isn't easy when you've got to lug a big belly every time). I've got a body pillow (called George :) which I'm learning to straddle to keep the weight & pressure off my hips. It's starting to help a little, but now my knees & ankles are aching too & I have to keep flexing & moving to stop them seizing up. Oh the joys! Poor DP - lucky he's a good sleeper & can easily fall back to sleep once I've disturbed him! As a result of all this I'm getting up early cos I just end up frustrated in the morning & give up! Also I seem to wake Malibu up early & start getting kicked as protest! Not that I mind that of course, but I can't get back to sleep then cos I like to rest my hand on my belly & communicate with him/her.

As if the aches weren't enough, I think the lack of sleep is also attributed to my mind not switching off. One thing I can't stop thinking about is NAMES! Ugh. We've had our boy's name sorted since before we fell pregnant. We've come up with some other back-ups but we've both liked one particular name for ages. As for our girl's name.... well that's another story! We've got a list a mile long & none of them seem to be right. Either DP doesn't like them, or I'm not fussed, or we like the name but it doesn't roll off the tongue with the surname, or it doesn't go with the middle name which is fixed, or it could be hard for people to spell, or easily mispronounced etc etc etc! We keep coming up with new names which doesn't make the process any easier. I lie in bed some nights just going through the alphabet & making up names! It does my head in!

The other thing on my mind is that I fly overseas for work in 4 days. I'm REAAAALLLLY not looking forward to the flight. Especially as my obstetrician said he doesn't want me to sleep onboard, he wants me to keep moving around every hour or more. I am going to be One.Grumpy.Passenger when I get to the other end!! I pity my colleagues travelling with me! I'm also travelling cattle class & desperately trying to get upgraded for some extra room. I don't like my chances. Apart from that, I'm pretty much working 10 hour shifts for 3.5 weeks solid with NO DAYS OFF. Why did I agree to this? I'm asking myself the same question. A few weeks back I wasn't as anxious cos I was feeling great! I didn't know what my friends & family were worried about. And both my obstetrician & GP assured me that taking this trip wouldn't put the baby in any danger. They were both very positive about me going. But now the aches have set in. Yikes! As much as this is going to be a great experience & probably my last big hurrah for a long time, I just can't wait until it's over & I'm back home. I'm also going to miss DP dearly.. obviously. He's going to miss a whole month of this pregnancy & I feel guilty. But he's philosophical about it. He said it will make the pregnancy go quicker and I'll be that much bigger when I get back.

And on that point, I'll leave you with a conversation we had last week:

DP: I wish you'd hurry up & have this baby.

ME: Why?

DP: Cos I'm bored & got no-one to play with.

ME:   :-)

The Good and the Bad (20wks+4)

OK - first the good:

DP FINALLY felt Malibu kick this morning!

Thank goodness! I was kept awake a lot last night cos I couldn't get comfortable, and all my tossing & turning kept bub active. I could feel him/her doing somersaults which made me a bit nauseous (though it weirdly also made me happy) and constantly kicking or punching. I guess the whole block of chocolate I polished off yesterday didn't help the situation.

Now the bad:

DP seemed excited to feel bub kick but immediately jumped back to his couch. I was a bit bewildered. I asked him if it freaked him out (keep in mind he's already had 2 children from a previous marriage) but he said it was great, he just didn't want to hurt the baby. On top of all this, and more to the point, we haven't been intimate much since I fell pregnant. I am so frustrated LOL. I confronted him about it today but tried to stay calm & understanding. I asked if he was turned off by my belly, or if he was worried about hurting the baby. He said it was neither, he just hadn't felt like it. I feel neglected. And now I feel like a bitch for getting angry at him & making him feel bad about it. I just don't know what to do. I'm so depressed today. Wish everything was as good as it was before, and I hate thinking that when I'm so happy to be pregnant now.

20 weeks BUMP!

Getting lots more comments at work lately - people who've only just noticed (or got the nerve up to ask) that I'm pregnant. One horrible lady I don't have to work with often, thank God, said tonight "my GOD you're getting HUGE! Funny how you start hiding it, and now you're just letting it all out". Yeh, whatever. Good job I'm happy to be getting bigger.. but seriously, how about a bit of tact just in case I was the sensitive type! Meh.

Anyhoo, Malibu is kicking me lots more lately. Very happy about that, although it can be a bit distracting in my job LOL. Unfortunately DP hasn't felt it yet. Every time he puts his hand on my belly Malibu stops altogether. I keep telling him he's the "Baby Whisperer" and he'll be the calming influence when bub is here. I'm disappointed though. I want him to share in this awesomeness.

Having a few symptoms here & there. Here's my list of complaints so far:

* Gas pains!! To the point that it spread to my collarbone last night & I felt like I was being stabbed there! Ouch! After a warm shower I'm managed to, ahem, get rid of most of it before I went to bed. 

* Twitching eye, on & off for months! And my vision seems to have gotten worse.

* Flashing lights in peripheral vision - black & white, like an aura you get before a migraine but doesn't turn into one.

* Raging pulse! When I press my belly or anything else, I can feel my throbbing pulse in my fingertips. All that blood rushing around.

* Itchy bump, but I'm using Bio Oil & moisturiser twice a day so it's not too bad.

* Sore belly button sometimes. I think it's just my uterus growing & pushing on it from the inside. It's verging on an "outty" I'm sure.

* Aching hips & legs at night, makes sleep difficult sometimes.

* Sore tailbone when I sit for a while. I've had to buy a coccyx cushion for work (embarrassing). I did injure my tailbone skiing about 2 years ago, not sure if it was broken. I'm worried this will cause problems in childbirth (!).

Apart from all this, I'm still totally stoked to be "with child" :-). I feel pretty good most of the time so I count myself extremely lucky. Only a few weeks now until I fly overseas for work. Not looking forward to it, but at least I'm having a pretty easy pregnancy so far (touch wood) so I should be fine. We have 2 doctors on staff & my hotel is very close to an NHS hospital so I'll be covered. 

OK, that's my situation so far. Here's the latest bump. Not sure it look's hugely different from the others at this angle but I definitely feel bigger & rounder!

20 Week Ultrasound

So we were technically 19 weeks + 3 days pregnant today but the scan still shows Malibu measuring ahead. New EDD is November 5, doesn't quite have the same ring to it as 10-11-12 so we're sticking with the latter (like it's gonna happen on time anyway, right?!). Besides, we know EXACTLY when we conceived.

As I'm extremely sleep deprived & too lazy to write a long post I'm gonna cut to the chase - Malibu (baby) is A-OK, normal, abnormality-free!! I'm so happy! I realised I haven't done the "post-wipe TP check" much lately & I'm accepting that I'm really pregnant with a healthy child. Looking at shots like this, though, I still can't quite fathom that this human being is actually inside me!! Not because the infertility demon still lurks in my head, but because it's just so FREAKING AMAZING!!

P.S. We didn't ask for the gender, but DP thinks he saw meat & potatoes! Who knows... ;-)

17 weeks - A Kick!

Yesterday I felt my first kick!

We'd had a busy, active day. We went for a long walk in the morning, then proceeded to "spring clean" the garage & throw a lot of junk out. I was walking up and down the driveway carrying item after item. When we got inside I laid on the couch with my hands on my belly & tried to relax in front of the TV. Then I felt it - a definite kick right in the middle, under my belly button! So exciting!

Can't wait for more reminders of my little one in there :-)