ICSI #3 - 5w1d pg

Who was I kidding in my last post?

Every day.. in fact EVERY TIME I go to the toilet I stress out.

I expect to see blood.

I keep wondering WHEN it's going to happen, not IF.

I feel totally different this pregnancy from the last time. That should give me some comfort. But I have regular aches & pains in my lower back & stomach, and they aren't reassuring. I didn't have ANY pains the last time and so the blood was totally out of the blue! I don't want to be caught off guard this time.. but obviously I don't want it to happen at all.

My breasts are a little achey but not a lot. I think I see more veins but then I think I'm just imagining them. My nipples are definitely sore to the touch but that could just be from the remnants of the progesterone supplements. I ran out of them before my blood test but (TMI warning) I'm still getting clumps coming out once in a while.

Two more weeks until my first ultrasound. It's one obstacle to overcome - seeing a heartbeat. But I know from experience this isn't the guarantee. There's so many more to come. 

I'm sorry to all those still going through the IVF process who might think I'm ungrateful. I'm not. It's just a long journey & I won't be relaxed or come to terms with it until I have that baby in my arms. It's a long way off.

It's Official! ICSI #3 - 4w4d pg

Well the blood test (beta) came back positive! Woo!

My HCG was 2793 @ 13dp5dt (I think.. my pen wouldn't work straight away, but it was definitely in the 2000s). My due date is November 10, 2012. Let's just hope this one's normal & sticks.. at the moment I feel pretty good about that.

I'm still feeling pretty run down. I didn't sleep much last night & woke up super early with stomach pains. When I got up to pee I had another bout of (TMI) the runs (sorry). I also had what I think is reflux & heartburn. Basically I just felt really uncomfortable & cranky. The nurse worried me a bit this morning when she said that could all be a sign of AF coming, as well as being pregnant. But thank goodness it was the latter.

DP is being a bit reserved and cautious at the moment. He doesn't want to see us crash & burn again. But I'm going to enjoy this. I don't want my baby picking up on any negative vibes.

This is the one. It HAS to be :-)

12dp5dt update

I just got home today after a few days interstate for work. I am SOOOooo glad to be home! I am simply exhausted!!

The work was long and gruelling & I had absolutely NO energy. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I just felt "blah". I wasn't nauseous as such.. but I definitely felt "off". I've had almost constant light AF pains in my lower back & abdomen. On top of that I've been so bloated & gassy! See pics below:

The first one was about 4 days ago, the second one was taken last night:

I normally have a flat(ish) stomach so even the first one is big for me. The second one was so painful! I felt like I was going to explode.

TMI Warning now... 

I had a bit of diarrhoea on Saturday night after going out to dinner with a friend. I had seafood & she said she thought you shouldn't eat seafood when you're pg. I said it was fine in moderation. But after my bout in the loo I got a bit worried. Although it passed soon after.

So, fast forward to tonight & I'm finally home & hap-hap-happy! To top it off I did another HPT & the "pregnant" test line was heaps darker than the control line! Yay! I'm still pregnant!

Blood test (beta) is tomorrow. Looking forward to it :)

ICSI #3 - 8dp5dt HPT result

I peed into a container first thing this morning but almost couldn't bring myself to test! I spent an hour googling "how to prepare for a BFN"! But the general advice was that there was no way to prepare.

I finally summoned up the courage to test (despite my heart jumping out of my chest) and here it is:





+++++++


UPDATE: Here's the pic.. I was in such a state I couldn't figure out to how to upload the photo properly!

7dp5dt - OHSS &/or PG???

Feeling pretty rubbish today.

So short of breath right now.. it's been on & off for a few days. I took yesterday off work cos I thought it was just caused by my hugely stressful shift at work on Monday. Yesterday wasn't too bad but today it's picked up. And all I've done today is laze around on the couch & have a 3hr nap in the middle of the day!

I'm also getting tummy pain. I've had slight AF type cramps since about 2dpET but now it kind of seems like bladder irritation.. like I've waited too long to pee. I wake up early busting for the loo and have been going fairly regularly throughout the day so I don't think it's that. I've got a tiny bit of lower back pain too. And I'm still a bit bloated with lots of gas (poor DP!). My nose is really stuffy which could be the cause of my sore throat (sleeping with mouth open). 

I was originally thinking I had pg symptoms & was feeling quite positive.. but now I feel like it could be OHSS. I don't think I've put much weight on though.. and my stomach isn't any bigger than it normally is during a cycle.

I'm thinking I might ring the clinic tomorrow & ask the nurses about it all. I also want to mention my Crinone sticks are going to run out a few days before my BT on Tuesday. That happened last time & they didn't get me to pick up some more.. apparently it's not that important. I've got to fly interstate for a a few days on Friday & we're seriously short-staffed (more than usual) so I can't be off sick. Oh the joy!

Anyhoo.. thinking of POAS tomorrow (!). Bought some yesterday & the temptation might just get to me. It's my last day off tomorrow before I fly out & I really don't want to find out (either by testing or by AF) whilst I'm away. I'd rather do it with DP home so I've got a whole day to deal with a negative if it comes.. 

Just typing that made my stomach drop. Please please please don't be bad news!!!

5dp5dt ramblings

(I actually had to check what day I was up to on this 2ww - crazy!)

So MAJOR meltdown today. I just had THE most stressful day at work (and I have many in my job, they come with the territory) but today was pretty bad. And yesterday was a doozy too. I feel like I'm killing my embryo. It's making me super cranky.. like the bitch from Hell!!

I lost it at poor DP tonight because he finished the milk (my special organic milk) and didn't replace it. He ended up going out at 10.30pm to buy some more. I'm such a cow (which incidentally would be handy if I could produce my own milk!).

So I decided to chuck a sickie tomorrow. Normally I would feel hugely guilty cos my colleagues then have to pick up the slack & we're already short-staffed. But I really feel like I have to do this for myself & my potential baby... if it's still in there. My GP has offered a few times to write me a certificate if I feel like I need time off from work. But I've never taken her up on it due to the guilt factor. Now I definitely need to take a "sanity" day & chill out.

Unfortunately we've got a rent inspection tomorrow morning (!) so I've spent the evening (after my nightmare shift) on my hands & knees scrubbing floors & bathroom tiles with bleach. I lost it big time again because the sponge fell off the mop while I was trying to scrub, and cos I was using chemicals which is BAAAADDD! Now I really feel genuinely sick. I'm not sure if I'm imagining it but these smells are really getting to me & making me a bit nauseous. I also got quite short of breath at work today but that could have been the stressful situation.

Well now I have 3 days off (and so does DP :) so hopefully I can relax & look after myself a bit better.

I can hear you asking: are you going to POAS? I'm not sure yet. Last cycle I did it at 6dp5dt & it was a super faint line (almost non-existent). I remember obsessing over whether the second line was there or not. I'm not sure I want to do that to myself this time. I'm also not sure I want bad news when I feel like maybe I could be?? I think I want to live in hope just a bit longer. We'll see......

2ww thoughts

We have no frosties.. so frustrated.

Also feeling guilty about flying so soon after ET.
And lifting my cabin luggage.
And eating the sandwich on the plane - it had ham & mayonnaise.

So hungry today.. stomach churning, feels empty all the time (apart from just after the massive room service steak & extra side of fries I smashed earlier). Probably in my mind.
Going out of my mind & it's only been 2 days.

How will I get through this? At least I'll be manically busy at work tomorrow.