And once again I'm PUPO!
We have one morula onboard. The two embryos that had reached the desired 6-8 cell stage in our last update ended up slowing down & didn't have enough cells. The lab will "keep an eye on them" but they're probably no good for freezing. The third embryo that was only five cells at the update sped up & became a morula (not quite blastocyst) by this morning. The FS said it could be that or maybe the cells were so compacted that it was hard to count the cells properly back then. Either way it's our only hope for this cycle. Out of four cycles now we've NEVER ended up with more than one viable embryo on transfer day! I guess a FET isn't an option for us :(
We found out the day before Egg Collection that our FS was in Bali for a conference & wouldn't be there. We had a female FS fill in instead. She was nice but it was a little disappointing. We weren't expecting him to be back for the Embryo Transfer today either but he actually flew back this morning & scheduled us at midday so he could perform it for us. So lovely & kind of him!
So, we came home, ate lunch on the couch in front of the tv for a while, then went to pick up TJ from daycare & take DP to work. Fingers crossed my darling & overactive toddler sleeps this afternoon!!!
Here goes the dreaded TWW!
July 9, 2014
July 6, 2014
Crinone Hell
Having a bad day.
I'm now sitting alone on a bench in the local park, shitty that so many people & their dogs are here and I can't have a private breakdown! And one dog just sniffed my butt. Seriously.
Go away people! Stop enjoying your leisurely Sunday & feck off!! Go home to your effing blissful lives!
I have a toddler at home who's pining for the dummy & won't effing sleep.
I have a hubby who is ignorantly going about his day getting little outside jobs done & not interested in the war brewing inside.
I have a body going completely nuts from the bombardment of chemicals injected into & squirted up it!
I am going out of my mind & no-one fucking cares.
The world goes on.
And so must I.
But for now I'm sitting alone on a park bench trying to hide the ridiculous & irrational tears welling up inside me.. while hubby is home with our gorgeous (no doubt fast asleep) toddler, probably wondering what all the fuss is about.
I'm now sitting alone on a bench in the local park, shitty that so many people & their dogs are here and I can't have a private breakdown! And one dog just sniffed my butt. Seriously.
Go away people! Stop enjoying your leisurely Sunday & feck off!! Go home to your effing blissful lives!
I have a toddler at home who's pining for the dummy & won't effing sleep.
I have a hubby who is ignorantly going about his day getting little outside jobs done & not interested in the war brewing inside.
I have a body going completely nuts from the bombardment of chemicals injected into & squirted up it!
I am going out of my mind & no-one fucking cares.
The world goes on.
And so must I.
But for now I'm sitting alone on a park bench trying to hide the ridiculous & irrational tears welling up inside me.. while hubby is home with our gorgeous (no doubt fast asleep) toddler, probably wondering what all the fuss is about.
Fuck you Crinone!
July 5, 2014
Vag Gel & Wind
Right on cue - I'm plagued by the most offensive room-clearing farts!
Thank goodness hubby is working.. but god save him when he comes to bed tonight!!!
I'm in pain until I release the evil. Ah the joys.
Speaking of joys, I took my first dose of Crinone (progesterone) tonight. Enough said about that (most of you ladies will know what I mean).
Thank goodness hubby is working.. but god save him when he comes to bed tonight!!!
I'm in pain until I release the evil. Ah the joys.
Speaking of joys, I took my first dose of Crinone (progesterone) tonight. Enough said about that (most of you ladies will know what I mean).
1 Day Post Egg Collection
Just got the call that all three eggs fertilised normally.
This is great news seeing as there's only three to start with.
I won't get another call until Monday (2 days from now) with an update on how they're developing.
Fingers crossed they keep dividing away in the meantime!!
I'm feeling much better today. Good enough for a (slow) walk. It's a gorgeous sunny but chilly day outside. Hopefully we can wear TJ out enough that he'll have a big nap this afternoon. DP is working later so I'm home alone with the little darling :)
This is great news seeing as there's only three to start with.
I won't get another call until Monday (2 days from now) with an update on how they're developing.
Fingers crossed they keep dividing away in the meantime!!
I'm feeling much better today. Good enough for a (slow) walk. It's a gorgeous sunny but chilly day outside. Hopefully we can wear TJ out enough that he'll have a big nap this afternoon. DP is working later so I'm home alone with the little darling :)
July 4, 2014
Egg collection day (CD14) ICSI #4 (cycle 1, TTC #2)
An early start saw us drag ourselves & our bloodshot baggy eyes out to the clinic & day hospital for egg collection. Poor TJ had to be woken up & dressed quickly, then rushed into the car with no breakfast or milk. But he's such a trooper. He strutted out of the lift & over to the toy section like he owned the place! Maybe it feels like home to him? After all, he was created there!
After signing a bit of paperwork I was admitted & had to say goodbye to my boys. DP then took TJ to daycare for a few hours. I was led into the same cubicle as previous EC's to get changed into the sexy backless gown & fluffy robe. After about half an hour of trashy mag browsing (seriously who can concentrate on an article knowing your bits are about to be laid out for a room full of people to gawk at!) & a bunch of recited questions from the anaesthetist, I was collected & led down the hallway. I laid on the table, answered multiple questions asked simultaneously by various theatre staff, & had some happy juice inserted through the back of my hand. I was asked to help them get my legs into the stirrups.. oh the indignity! Wish they did that while I was knocked out!! An oxygen mask was placed on my face & I started to feel drunk. Aahhhh that's the stuff!
Seconds later (probably more like 20-30mins later) I started coming to in Recovery. I wasn't in any pain & had my blood pressure and temperature taken by the nurse. She then removed the lovely pad from between my legs. I tried to feel under the blankets for which hand they'd placed the tape on to tell me how many eggs they'd collected. Hmm.. I then lifted each hand up to see if it was perhaps just written on my skin? Nope, nothing. I started to panic. I heard the girl next to me ask the nurses how many she had & they said 10. I then heard the nurses chatting to each other about one procedure being cancelled (which they were happy about) & gathered that was DP's sperm extraction surgery. He'd also had to fast from midnight in case the frozen sperm wasn't usable. I waited until they walked me back to the cubicle & DP came down before asking about my eggs. Three. That's it. Three eggs. Seriously???!!! I'd had about 6-7 follicles on the scan 2 days ago. Did I ovulate & lose them? Or were these not worthy of collection? I guess I'll be asking these questions later. For now I'm just a little depressed.. as well as a bit tender in the tummy.
On the upside, the scientist called me this afternoon to say all (!) three eggs were injected with sperm & were doing "as well as can be expected at this early stage". She also said we actually had three straws of frozen sperm (one was apparently not entered into the system properly - which begs the question - is it actually DP's??? 😁) so we now still have two straws left. This is good news as DP has a heart condition after an attack out of the blue last year, so we're hoping to avoid surgery for him.
So, I know it's just a numbers game but previous cycles yielded 10-11 eggs & we only ever ended up with one embryo to transfer. Starting with just three eggs isn't a great beginning. I'm feeling guilty like this is bad karma from me not being more positive & "into" this cycle. I do really want it to work but I guess I protect myself by being negative & pretending I don't want it as much.
My hopes for any frozen embryos is a bit optimistic at this point I think.. now it's all about at least one making it to transfer day. Please divide away my little ones!!
After signing a bit of paperwork I was admitted & had to say goodbye to my boys. DP then took TJ to daycare for a few hours. I was led into the same cubicle as previous EC's to get changed into the sexy backless gown & fluffy robe. After about half an hour of trashy mag browsing (seriously who can concentrate on an article knowing your bits are about to be laid out for a room full of people to gawk at!) & a bunch of recited questions from the anaesthetist, I was collected & led down the hallway. I laid on the table, answered multiple questions asked simultaneously by various theatre staff, & had some happy juice inserted through the back of my hand. I was asked to help them get my legs into the stirrups.. oh the indignity! Wish they did that while I was knocked out!! An oxygen mask was placed on my face & I started to feel drunk. Aahhhh that's the stuff!
Seconds later (probably more like 20-30mins later) I started coming to in Recovery. I wasn't in any pain & had my blood pressure and temperature taken by the nurse. She then removed the lovely pad from between my legs. I tried to feel under the blankets for which hand they'd placed the tape on to tell me how many eggs they'd collected. Hmm.. I then lifted each hand up to see if it was perhaps just written on my skin? Nope, nothing. I started to panic. I heard the girl next to me ask the nurses how many she had & they said 10. I then heard the nurses chatting to each other about one procedure being cancelled (which they were happy about) & gathered that was DP's sperm extraction surgery. He'd also had to fast from midnight in case the frozen sperm wasn't usable. I waited until they walked me back to the cubicle & DP came down before asking about my eggs. Three. That's it. Three eggs. Seriously???!!! I'd had about 6-7 follicles on the scan 2 days ago. Did I ovulate & lose them? Or were these not worthy of collection? I guess I'll be asking these questions later. For now I'm just a little depressed.. as well as a bit tender in the tummy.
On the upside, the scientist called me this afternoon to say all (!) three eggs were injected with sperm & were doing "as well as can be expected at this early stage". She also said we actually had three straws of frozen sperm (one was apparently not entered into the system properly - which begs the question - is it actually DP's??? 😁) so we now still have two straws left. This is good news as DP has a heart condition after an attack out of the blue last year, so we're hoping to avoid surgery for him.
So, I know it's just a numbers game but previous cycles yielded 10-11 eggs & we only ever ended up with one embryo to transfer. Starting with just three eggs isn't a great beginning. I'm feeling guilty like this is bad karma from me not being more positive & "into" this cycle. I do really want it to work but I guess I protect myself by being negative & pretending I don't want it as much.
My hopes for any frozen embryos is a bit optimistic at this point I think.. now it's all about at least one making it to transfer day. Please divide away my little ones!!
July 2, 2014
Triggered! (CD12)
I have just given myself the Trigger injection (Ovidrel).
Thank goodness I have no more Orgalutran jabs - they're ouchy!
So I'm booked in for Egg Collection on Friday morning at 7.40am. This is less than ideal as our toddler's daycare doesn't open until 8.30am. Hubby has to come with me to the clinic & wait, as he'll be on standby again for testicular sperm extraction (under general anaesthetic) in case the frozen sperm doesn't fare well after thawing. That was a pain last time, but this time it's a logistical nightmare! We have no family here & the only friends we could call on will be working, AND don't love kids! I couldn't really leave TJ with them.
So.. now I'm trying to find a babysitter. I really wish I'd had him babysat more often now. He's only ever been looked after by my mum interstate, and one lovely babysitter who's just given birth to her third child! I'm feeling so emotional about this! He's quite clingy these days & I know he'll lose it as soon as we try to leave the house! I'm finding it hard to focus on the purpose of all this, the end goal, cos I just feel so guilty about leaving my little guy!
The fact that I don't appear to have many follicles this time (maybe 6-7) isn't helping my mood. As well as the fact my boss is constantly quizzing me about my availability for shifts. I just want this week to be over so I can be home with my bub & over the pain.
Thank goodness I have no more Orgalutran jabs - they're ouchy!
So I'm booked in for Egg Collection on Friday morning at 7.40am. This is less than ideal as our toddler's daycare doesn't open until 8.30am. Hubby has to come with me to the clinic & wait, as he'll be on standby again for testicular sperm extraction (under general anaesthetic) in case the frozen sperm doesn't fare well after thawing. That was a pain last time, but this time it's a logistical nightmare! We have no family here & the only friends we could call on will be working, AND don't love kids! I couldn't really leave TJ with them.
So.. now I'm trying to find a babysitter. I really wish I'd had him babysat more often now. He's only ever been looked after by my mum interstate, and one lovely babysitter who's just given birth to her third child! I'm feeling so emotional about this! He's quite clingy these days & I know he'll lose it as soon as we try to leave the house! I'm finding it hard to focus on the purpose of all this, the end goal, cos I just feel so guilty about leaving my little guy!
The fact that I don't appear to have many follicles this time (maybe 6-7) isn't helping my mood. As well as the fact my boss is constantly quizzing me about my availability for shifts. I just want this week to be over so I can be home with my bub & over the pain.
June 27, 2014
Ouch!! (CD7)
Ouch! How did I forget just how painful the Orgalutran injections are????! Those needles are bloody huge! I really don't remember those! I mean, I remember the Gonal-f pen jabs & they're not too bad.. but these new ones I started tonight are torture! My tummy's sore :(
I also had a blood test at the clinic today & the nurse was a butcher. I'm left with a bruise & bright red puncture mark! She was pretty rough during the internal scan too. It was a little "uncomfortable" to say the least. And she kept mumbling during it.. the only thing I could make out was "early days yet" and "only 4 immature follicles". She didn't fill me with confidence!
It's funny how all the hellish details are just erased from your mind when you finally get that beautiful healthy child! I remember it was tough, really tough, but all those stressful hurdles & painful procedures just evaporate when that new little soul fills your world.
I hope I don't have to wait too long to forget again.
I also had a blood test at the clinic today & the nurse was a butcher. I'm left with a bruise & bright red puncture mark! She was pretty rough during the internal scan too. It was a little "uncomfortable" to say the least. And she kept mumbling during it.. the only thing I could make out was "early days yet" and "only 4 immature follicles". She didn't fill me with confidence!
It's funny how all the hellish details are just erased from your mind when you finally get that beautiful healthy child! I remember it was tough, really tough, but all those stressful hurdles & painful procedures just evaporate when that new little soul fills your world.
I hope I don't have to wait too long to forget again.
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