It's a boy!!! Introducing Tyler Joel :) (PIC)

Sorry for the lack of update after my last post.. I've been a little busy ;-)

Introducing TYLER JOEL (TJ to his mates):

He was born at 8.45am yesterday (6/11) after about 27hrs of labour (birth story coming in a later post).

Birth weight 3240gms, length 51cm.

He's just perfect.. very placid (a little too much so at feeding time).

I can't believe I'm finally a Mum! It's surreal.. but awesome :)

Will post more when I'm home & have more than an iPhone to type on.

39+3wks - Early Labour??

So I've had Braxton Hicks for the last couple of months but they became really frequent in the last week or two. Then the other day I had a couple of semi-painful contractions. But only a couple. They stopped. This morning I woke up as my partner was leaving for work at 5am with more painful contractions. They haven't gone away! I've been timing them (it's now 12.30pm) and they're really irregular. The frequency varies between about 10-30mins. They feel like really painful period cramps low in my belly. I'm also feeling fairly constant back pain & tightening in the belly. I tried going back to bed around 8am but woke up with every contraction. Still, it was good to get a little rest. I also used a heated wheatbag to ease the backpain which worked ok.

Now I'm just watching TV, playing Bejewelled on the computer & trying to play it cool. But could this be the start of labour? I'm not sure seeing as they're so irregular, but they are coming frequently if that makes sense. I don't want to get DP excited as he's at work trying to concentrate, so I only have this forum to vent to! My mum wanted to know the minute I started getting signs but again, I don't want to get her hyped up if it's not the real thing.

The weird thing about today is that it's the ultrasound due date! We decided with our Dr that we'd stick with the IVF ICSI due date way back in the early days as he said it was more accurate (knowing the actual date of conception & all). Plus we liked the date - 10.11.12 (November 10 2012)! But hey - at the end of the day, baby chooses its own birthday right?!

Anyway, I still haven't noticed a lost plug or had the bloody show or anything. And my waters haven't broken. I know all these symptoms don't necessarily happen straight away but I'm just hoping for a "real" sign! Until then I guess I'll just get on with things. I've got the ingredients for some lactation biscuits so I might go & bake.. that'll help pass the time a little. And at least I'll have something yummy to nibble on between the niggles.

I'll keep you posted.. fingers crossed!!

38+4 weeks - ENGAGED!

UPDATE:

Had OB check-up today. We're engaged! Well, the baby's head is.. in my pelvis. Dr said it's moved down nicely & doesn't think I'll have any problems (read: "you have child-bearing hips"). He said bub is still average size & going along nicely.

He didn't check my cervix or anything, just felt my belly (and commented that I had a nice big belly happening - thanks very much!). He checked the heartbeat & my blood pressure & said everything's spot on. He didn't want to intervene or poke or prod me too much. He said he was just going to let nature take its course at this point because I seemed to be going so well. He didn't think I'd go overdue at all but said, as this is an IVF ICSI pregnancy, he'd want to start talking induction if I went a few days over. I guess this is because we know the exact date of conception & there can be no margin for error like there is with a naturally conceived pregnancy. But again, he said he would expect things to start happening "soon".

It's so exciting & yet so frustrating not knowing at what moment this ball could get rolling. Or how. Will my water break? Will I start getting contractions? Will I lose my plug or have a bloody show? Cos apart from the fleeting stabbing pain in the vajayjay (lightning crotch), I've had no signs. I'm nesting like crazy, but I think that's just because I know I'm running out of time to get things organised at home. We did our tax returns today, returned an item to a store for a refund, took some old clothes to the charity bin, & I sorted out one of my wardrobes. I've also been listing a bunch of stuff for sale on ebay, but panicking that it'll sell while I'm in labour or at the hospital & will forget to post it out. Ha, there's another job for DP. Lucky him!

Speaking of my Darling Partner, I was adding a few items to my hospital bag & discovered a surprise box of chocolates that he'd stashed in there. So cute! But not sure if they're really there for him to stuff in my mouth to stifle the screams?? Either way, I love chocolate. So whatever works ;-)

OK, well until anything else happens.. or doesn't.. goodnight.

**crossing fingers labour doesn't happen tomorrow because it's Halloween & the anniversary of DP's mother's passing**

38 weeks - some pics

The finish line is in sight! I can't believe we've only got (give or take) two weeks to go!! I stumbled across a few IVF forums tonight whilst googling (my guilty pleasure) pregnancy & labour stuff. Anyway, they really took me back. I just can't believe I was one of those ladies who was so consumed by the whole process but was too scared to dare imagine they'd be successful. And yet, here I am.

What a ride it's been.

I'm not sure if I'm really ready to let go of this pregnancy. I mean, I'm really starting to struggle carrying this heavy load; I ache all over & can't keep up with the same things I used to power through, like housework, or shopping! But I've just wanted to be pregnant for SO LONG! And it seems to have gone so quickly. I now understand what some women (and I do realise it's only some women) mean when they say they'll miss their bub being inside of them. I know he/she will be on the outside soon & I'll get to enjoy them still, but I'll miss feeling the movement inside my belly. I won't miss the hiccups though!!! ;-) Sheeesh!!

Anyway, I have a few pics I'd thought I'd share. Prepare yourselves, they're not all pretty LOL!

I think this one was taken around 32 weeks. Just some of the weird shapes Malibu creates!

This one was around 35 weeks I think. This kid has sharp heels, or elbows, or something?? Ouch!

My sexy cankles a few weeks ago! :-o 

And this was taken at 37 weeks.. notice the stretch marks sneaking up from the bottom...

There's much darker ones in the middle just above my panty line.

Just when I thought I'd escaped! :-(

Still no sign of labour. I've had a few twinges like "lightning crotch" here & there but nothing significant. No sign of the lovely mucous plug yet either. I'm starting to get anxious for things to progress so I don't go overdue & risk induction but at the same time I've still got things left on my "to do" list before the big day. Just household stuff, do my tax etc. Oh, and I really should schedule some REST. I haven't done much of that at all & I'm told over & over & over (& over) by other mums to make the most of this time as I won't get any later blah blah. I know they're right, but I get bored easily. 

And yes, I know I'm going to regret saying that very soon ;-)

37+4 update

Dr wrote on my antenatal card that I'm 3/5 engaged. Woo, we have progress! I hadn't felt much change since last week, in fact I was feeling less pressure & pains down there, so I thought we may have gone backwards if that's possible! He didn't do a cervix check, just felt my belly & listened to the heartbeat. Poor DP - it took the Dr  a few seconds to find which freaked him out! I wasn't too worried cos I'd just felt bub wriggling like crazy.

My blood pressure has gone down a tad, too, which is good. I think I'm settling into maternity leave better this week so it may be due to that. I've been nesting like crazy!! Today I was cleaning window sills, which led to whole windows, which led to light switches etc etc! You'd think Malibu was going to come home & immediately start crawling around licking the walls the way I'm carrying on!

My mum sent me a picture of the portacot she bought for us. We're flying interstate for Xmas to spend time with our families & she is going slightly overboard buying baby things for us to use while there. She started getting really emotional on the texts tonight talking about the special bond between a mother & daughter, and how different it is to when my brothers had their first kids. It was sweet.

Anyway, doc doesn't think I'll be going into labour anytime in the next week so I'm sure I'll have another routine appt post thus time next week. In the meantime I've got a pregnancy photo shoot booked for Friday which should be... interesting. I hope I don't look ridiculous!!

Group B Strep test @ 36+4 weeks

Just wanted to post about my obstetrician's appointment today to alleviate anyone else's fears about the Group B Strep test.. he did it with a long cotton tip & it was such a breeze! It didn't go in very far, just mostly around the outside.. Then he did a quick internal examination to see where bub was. He could feel the head but said it wasn't engaged yet, was still "floating". And that exam wasn't that bad either. Really, I've had worse! In fact I was surprised he could feel the baby's head when it didn't seem as though his fingers were in very far. The dildo cam at the IVF clinic was MUCH more invasive LOL!

36 weeks & counting!

Soooo... I had a bit of a stress out yesterday thinking the baby might not be growing enough. But, as you can see, I don't think there's any problems there! This comparison has quelled my fears LOL! I had my baby shower yesterday & all the girls were commenting on me not looking very big, just having a compact belly etc. which was a surprise to me because I thought I was huge! But I do think I'm very lucky in that I don't think I've gained much weight anywhere else (maybe just a bit in the butt area but that's not unusual for me). My obstetrician said at my last appointment that the baby was just average size. I wasn't expecting that as my family tends to have VERY large babies so I just assumed I would too. But I've still got 4 weeks to go so I'm not counting my chickens yet!

I finished work & started my maternity leave on Friday. Wow, I didn't quite take it the way I expected! I had been hanging out to finish as my job is very taxing & stressful. I was counting down the days. But as soon as I finished I was left feeling so flat & depressed! In fact until my baby shower yesterday, I was a wreck! I guess it was just so overwhelming & such a shock to suddenly realise I won't be going there for a long time, and won't be seeing those people for a while either. I'm a very independent person normally so the fact that I won't be earning a wage anymore added to all that. And I've also discovered that after years of being manically busy, I don't cope well without structure. I just saw the days stretching ahead with no purpose. I'm not the kind of person that enjoys lazing on the couch for long periods of time. Don't get me wrong, when I had to go to work it was all I would crave! But in reality, I get bored. I know I have to get some rest, but I need other things to keep me occupied. So I've written myself a "to do" list before bub arrives & I'll try to schedule little jobs each day. I'm also scheduling a little bit of exercise to pep me up each day. Today I went for a relatively slow walk to the park for about 20 minutes. I felt so much better after it. Definitely something to remember. Of course in between all these "duties" I'm also going to rest & watch some trashy TV, just not all day :)

I'm finally getting over a cold I had since about 32 weeks. The first cold I've had in about a year and of course I got it in the third trimester. What a struggle! I'm also struggling to sleep - between numb hands, sore hips, leg cramps & a full bladder I wake regularly through the night. I also seem to be getting some morning sickness back again! I didn't get much in the first trimester so maybe this is karma! When I wake early I start feeling dodgy and I have to get up to eat some breakfast. Of course an hour or so later I can barely keep my eyes open so I have to go down for a nap. I guess this is all just the practice they talk about for when we have a bub at home. My ankles swell fairly regularly still but after wearing some stockings for a day or putting them up for a while they do start returning to normal. I'm leaking milky discharge constantly (sorry, TMI) and always on the lookout for the mucous plug. Nothing so far. "Malibu" is still moving around a lot, that doesn't seem to have slowed down much. I get the occasional sharp kick but mostly just limbs sticking out & making my belly all sorts of weird shapes. It's just fascinating.

Anyway, my moods are up & down these days (more so than before I think) but I feel much better today & starting to get a handle on calming down to enjoy these last few weeks. I'm enjoying a bit of nesting - it makes me feel like I'm getting prepared & less overwhelmed. I'm just starting to enjoy this pregnancy again & look forward to Malibu's arrival, rather than feel daunted by it. I don't know if this is common in women who have struggled with infertility in the past - it made me feel terribly guilty & confused.

I realise I'm incredibly lucky & blessed to be in this position. I don't want to waste a minute of this amazing journey feeling anything but positivity. As scary as it is, I already love this baby more than anything & I know I'll do the best that I can in childbirth & parenthood. Bring it on!

x

31 weeks - diary entry

So I figured I should jot down some of the stuff I'm feeling & experiencing lately.. just in case I'm lucky enough to get preggy a second time & want to refer back to what happened last time.

I am just sooooooooo happy still to be "with child"! I feel so blessed & just amazed how far we've come :) Despite coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually FINALLY pregnant a while ago, the novelty of it all still hasn't left me. Especially when "Malibu" kicks or moves. And boy, does he/she move!

I may just be growing a sumo wrestler inside me! Bub is getting stronger every day! Just when I think he can't kick any harder or poke that foot out any further he shocks me! Takes my breath away sometimes. But I love every minute of it.

OK.. my back aches, my hips click, I'm slow & cumbersome, my feet hurt, my ankles are puffy, my voice has changed & sounds constantly nasally, my nether regions feel heavy & strangely achy (but actually nowhere in particular, just generally???).. apart from all that, I'm just blissfully & sickeningly happy. I am LOVING being pregnant. I have hardly felt sick at all. I am so lucky.

Now for the reality check.. I can see the finish line in sight & it's starting to freak me out! I'm worried about the lack of sleep ahead of me. Seriously, I LOVE my sleep! I'm not a nice person if I haven't had a good sleep for a couple of days. I don't cope well. I'm a shift worker so I've had to endure this on numerous occasions but there's always a sleep-in over the horizon. There will be no horizon for some time to come. This is concerning me.

I'm also worried about not having any family living in the same state. They're ALL on the other side of the country! We don't have many close friends here either. Our closest friends (who we don't see that often) are child-adverse. They're not baby people. They don't have kids of their own and they're very vocal about never having wanted them. They're not the type of people I could ring up & ask to take the bub off my hands for an hour or so if I'm not coping. I do have some lovely work colleagues, but I'm not so close to them that I would feel ok about ringing for help. However they've had kids themselves & I'm sure they would understand.

DP is very hands-on & excited about the upcoming birth. He works 4 days on, 4 days off so he'll be home a lot to help. And I know he will. But I'm worried about it being just the 2 of us with no-one else to lean on. Will we cope? Will our relationship withstand the pressures? Will we still like each other in 2 years time? God I hope so.. cos he's been my rock & my whole world for so long. And he's giving me all I ever wanted in the form of this baby, despite needing a lot of convincing in the first place.

Am I also worried about the birth? Of course! It's only just starting to concern me though. Originally I thought I'd just go for the epidural & it would all be ok. But now I'm reading a lot of things that urge towards natural pain relief for my situation. I've got a lot of recurring tailbone pain from a ski fall two years ago. I'm not sure if I broke it at the time.. but it took ages to heal. The Dr didn't alleviate my concerns by saying there's a chance I may rebreak it during labour. Oh.My.Lord!! So after a bit of research it seems I'm better off not getting an epi so I can be on all fours to take the pressure off, and being able to feel the pain so I don't do any more damage. Now I'm so confused. I'm not the type of person who believes in airy fairy mind-over-matter methods, although I envy those who do. I'm not strong of mind, I can't convince myself about something I don't believe in. I want it to be a calm experience (as calm as possible anyway) and natural labours always seem to unnecessarily panicked to me. Hypnobirthing sounds interesting, but I feel like I need to do way more research & learn about all the alternatives. But I'm worried I've left it too late.

I've also just found out my best friend (who lives in Brisbane, just a short plane ride away from us in Sydney) has just bought an awesome house back home in Perth (where I'm also from). She & her husband were trying for a baby for a year or two as well but are having trouble. Now they're planning to move back west to be near family. And I'm jealous. I'm jealous they can afford this amazing house & jealous they're going to be near family again. She deserves it.. but I hate that I felt a fleeting shot of regret for not being in their situation. How crazy is that?! We probably can't afford a house (we live in a tiny apartment) but we do have an investment property in Perth.. and - WE'RE HAVING A BABY! I am happy. But I'm also jealous. Ugh.

OK, back to the positives. I think pregnancy suits me. I've had so many compliments since announcing it. My skin has cleared up amazingly & my hair is shinier. I also like wearing colours which I usually avoid. People keep telling me I look great (well most people, a few love to tell me I'm HUGE! And sorry, that's not really a compliment, but I refuse to feel offended when I'm so happy about it). I'm making the most of the next couple of months. I'm already getting sad about this baby leaving my body. I will miss feeling him/her inside me! Maybe ask me that again in another few weeks.. but for now it's true. I love being pregnant. I really do :)

30 weeks - I'm still here! (incl. belly pics)

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't posted for so long.

I got back from London a couple of weeks ago & after a week of severe jetlag then back to frantic work, I've finally found a few minutes to update you all.

All's well here. We're 30 weeks & going strong! Well, Malibu is definitely strong! I have limbs frequently sticking out of my belly now. I poke them back but this little one is stubborn & has started poking me back just to prove a point. LOL.. I love it really!

Work in London was tough.. I'm not kidding anyone. It was grueling &, if I had my time again, I probably wouldn't do it. Not pregnant anyway. I was violently sick for a short time on the flight over and my ankles were swollen the whole time I was away. It was so tiring & I found myself getting very emotional - homesick & missing DP badly! I'm soooooo glad to be home.

Just before I left Australia, I started getting some strong hip & buttock pain. And it only got worse as time went on. Of course my obstetrician just said it was sciatica, to keep taking panadol for the pain & the only cure was childbirth. But I've still got 10 weeks to go - way too long to spend in severe pain with difficulty moving! So I took myself to a physiotherapist who discovered that my pelvis was out of alignment due to a skiing mishap two years ago. The added weight of the baby put more pressure on the ligaments & some were being overworked to compensate for the misalignment. Anyway, she did a great job trying to push everything back into place.. and has given me some exercises.. which I really must do more.. to strengthen my core. Basically I feel a lot better than I did but I'm still a little achy. That I can live with.

So that's pretty much what's been happening in my world. Just six more weeks to go at work before I can (hopefully) put my feet up & just chill for the last time in my life. Malibu had better not have any ideas of coming early. Mummy needs some "me" time!

Sorry if this pic isn't great quality.. am too tired right now to figure out how to make it better. Basically it starts just after 12 weeks & is every four until 28 weeks. Pretty sure I've grown heaps more since the last one so lookout for the 32 week update!! :-/

23 weeks - Need Sleeeeep!!

Wow - I just re-read my last post.. hormonal much? A slight overreaction. 

I'm back to myself again. Feeling positive & happy & lucky & blessed. Because I am.

I am pregnant and my little one reminds me every day that he/she is really in there. 

I'm starting to actually SEE my belly jolt from the outside now & it's bizarre LOL!

But what I'm not really loving is the lack of sleep. The last few weeks I've found it painful lying in bed. I start lying on one side but it hurts within a couple of hours so I wake up & have to roll over to the other side, and vice versa (which isn't easy when you've got to lug a big belly every time). I've got a body pillow (called George :) which I'm learning to straddle to keep the weight & pressure off my hips. It's starting to help a little, but now my knees & ankles are aching too & I have to keep flexing & moving to stop them seizing up. Oh the joys! Poor DP - lucky he's a good sleeper & can easily fall back to sleep once I've disturbed him! As a result of all this I'm getting up early cos I just end up frustrated in the morning & give up! Also I seem to wake Malibu up early & start getting kicked as protest! Not that I mind that of course, but I can't get back to sleep then cos I like to rest my hand on my belly & communicate with him/her.

As if the aches weren't enough, I think the lack of sleep is also attributed to my mind not switching off. One thing I can't stop thinking about is NAMES! Ugh. We've had our boy's name sorted since before we fell pregnant. We've come up with some other back-ups but we've both liked one particular name for ages. As for our girl's name.... well that's another story! We've got a list a mile long & none of them seem to be right. Either DP doesn't like them, or I'm not fussed, or we like the name but it doesn't roll off the tongue with the surname, or it doesn't go with the middle name which is fixed, or it could be hard for people to spell, or easily mispronounced etc etc etc! We keep coming up with new names which doesn't make the process any easier. I lie in bed some nights just going through the alphabet & making up names! It does my head in!

The other thing on my mind is that I fly overseas for work in 4 days. I'm REAAAALLLLY not looking forward to the flight. Especially as my obstetrician said he doesn't want me to sleep onboard, he wants me to keep moving around every hour or more. I am going to be One.Grumpy.Passenger when I get to the other end!! I pity my colleagues travelling with me! I'm also travelling cattle class & desperately trying to get upgraded for some extra room. I don't like my chances. Apart from that, I'm pretty much working 10 hour shifts for 3.5 weeks solid with NO DAYS OFF. Why did I agree to this? I'm asking myself the same question. A few weeks back I wasn't as anxious cos I was feeling great! I didn't know what my friends & family were worried about. And both my obstetrician & GP assured me that taking this trip wouldn't put the baby in any danger. They were both very positive about me going. But now the aches have set in. Yikes! As much as this is going to be a great experience & probably my last big hurrah for a long time, I just can't wait until it's over & I'm back home. I'm also going to miss DP dearly.. obviously. He's going to miss a whole month of this pregnancy & I feel guilty. But he's philosophical about it. He said it will make the pregnancy go quicker and I'll be that much bigger when I get back.

And on that point, I'll leave you with a conversation we had last week:

DP: I wish you'd hurry up & have this baby.

ME: Why?

DP: Cos I'm bored & got no-one to play with.

ME:   :-)

The Good and the Bad (20wks+4)

OK - first the good:

DP FINALLY felt Malibu kick this morning!

Thank goodness! I was kept awake a lot last night cos I couldn't get comfortable, and all my tossing & turning kept bub active. I could feel him/her doing somersaults which made me a bit nauseous (though it weirdly also made me happy) and constantly kicking or punching. I guess the whole block of chocolate I polished off yesterday didn't help the situation.

Now the bad:

DP seemed excited to feel bub kick but immediately jumped back to his couch. I was a bit bewildered. I asked him if it freaked him out (keep in mind he's already had 2 children from a previous marriage) but he said it was great, he just didn't want to hurt the baby. On top of all this, and more to the point, we haven't been intimate much since I fell pregnant. I am so frustrated LOL. I confronted him about it today but tried to stay calm & understanding. I asked if he was turned off by my belly, or if he was worried about hurting the baby. He said it was neither, he just hadn't felt like it. I feel neglected. And now I feel like a bitch for getting angry at him & making him feel bad about it. I just don't know what to do. I'm so depressed today. Wish everything was as good as it was before, and I hate thinking that when I'm so happy to be pregnant now.

20 weeks BUMP!

Getting lots more comments at work lately - people who've only just noticed (or got the nerve up to ask) that I'm pregnant. One horrible lady I don't have to work with often, thank God, said tonight "my GOD you're getting HUGE! Funny how you start hiding it, and now you're just letting it all out". Yeh, whatever. Good job I'm happy to be getting bigger.. but seriously, how about a bit of tact just in case I was the sensitive type! Meh.

Anyhoo, Malibu is kicking me lots more lately. Very happy about that, although it can be a bit distracting in my job LOL. Unfortunately DP hasn't felt it yet. Every time he puts his hand on my belly Malibu stops altogether. I keep telling him he's the "Baby Whisperer" and he'll be the calming influence when bub is here. I'm disappointed though. I want him to share in this awesomeness.

Having a few symptoms here & there. Here's my list of complaints so far:

* Gas pains!! To the point that it spread to my collarbone last night & I felt like I was being stabbed there! Ouch! After a warm shower I'm managed to, ahem, get rid of most of it before I went to bed. 

* Twitching eye, on & off for months! And my vision seems to have gotten worse.

* Flashing lights in peripheral vision - black & white, like an aura you get before a migraine but doesn't turn into one.

* Raging pulse! When I press my belly or anything else, I can feel my throbbing pulse in my fingertips. All that blood rushing around.

* Itchy bump, but I'm using Bio Oil & moisturiser twice a day so it's not too bad.

* Sore belly button sometimes. I think it's just my uterus growing & pushing on it from the inside. It's verging on an "outty" I'm sure.

* Aching hips & legs at night, makes sleep difficult sometimes.

* Sore tailbone when I sit for a while. I've had to buy a coccyx cushion for work (embarrassing). I did injure my tailbone skiing about 2 years ago, not sure if it was broken. I'm worried this will cause problems in childbirth (!).

Apart from all this, I'm still totally stoked to be "with child" :-). I feel pretty good most of the time so I count myself extremely lucky. Only a few weeks now until I fly overseas for work. Not looking forward to it, but at least I'm having a pretty easy pregnancy so far (touch wood) so I should be fine. We have 2 doctors on staff & my hotel is very close to an NHS hospital so I'll be covered. 

OK, that's my situation so far. Here's the latest bump. Not sure it look's hugely different from the others at this angle but I definitely feel bigger & rounder!

20 Week Ultrasound

So we were technically 19 weeks + 3 days pregnant today but the scan still shows Malibu measuring ahead. New EDD is November 5, doesn't quite have the same ring to it as 10-11-12 so we're sticking with the latter (like it's gonna happen on time anyway, right?!). Besides, we know EXACTLY when we conceived.

As I'm extremely sleep deprived & too lazy to write a long post I'm gonna cut to the chase - Malibu (baby) is A-OK, normal, abnormality-free!! I'm so happy! I realised I haven't done the "post-wipe TP check" much lately & I'm accepting that I'm really pregnant with a healthy child. Looking at shots like this, though, I still can't quite fathom that this human being is actually inside me!! Not because the infertility demon still lurks in my head, but because it's just so FREAKING AMAZING!!

P.S. We didn't ask for the gender, but DP thinks he saw meat & potatoes! Who knows... ;-)

17 weeks - A Kick!

Yesterday I felt my first kick!

We'd had a busy, active day. We went for a long walk in the morning, then proceeded to "spring clean" the garage & throw a lot of junk out. I was walking up and down the driveway carrying item after item. When we got inside I laid on the couch with my hands on my belly & tried to relax in front of the TV. Then I felt it - a definite kick right in the middle, under my belly button! So exciting!

Can't wait for more reminders of my little one in there :-)

16 week belly pic

Still pointy!!

16 weeks!

So today we're 16 weeks along.

I'm still absolutely gobsmacked that I'm pregnant! I was in the shower the other day and when I looked down I was SHOCKED to see my burgeoning belly. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I am startled to remember there's a baby in there! I know this probably all sounds so stupid for someone who went through IVF and INTENDED to get pregnant but I guess that's what happens. You try and want it for so long that it becomes so hard to imagine. It's one of many burdens a fertile-challenged woman bears - the demon of "doubt". 

You feel like it's something that happens to everyone else around you, but never you. After seeing the 12 week ultrasound I was elated & settled - I was finally pregnant & one of the lucky ones. But the demon creeps back into your mind soon enough. Only to be allayed by the next element of proof. My increasing girth should be proof enough but a voice in my head suggests it's just bloat. Thank goodness I don't have to wait long for my next appointment with wonderful Dr P.

I need more proof. I wish I could have a scan every few days. I'm happy but quietly fearful at the same time. I wish I could live in blissful ignorance like the "fertiles". But I remind myself that I worked hard for this pregnancy & I "earned" it. It's mine, it's real & it's amazing.

13wks belly pic (& due date of lost baby)

So today we are 13 weeks pregnant. It's also the due date of my first pregnancy (technically tomorrow). I am soooo glad I'm pregnant (obviously) but even more so right now as tomorrow would be way more devastating. I can't believe it's already 9 months since we first conceived! Time flies! I'm not sad though. THIS is the baby we were meant to have. And good things come to those who wait.... and wait... and wait... ;-)

Here's our first belly pic. It's my "relaxed" tummy.. but to be honest the one where I was sucking it in wasn't much smaller. No wonder my clothes are so tight! I keep laughing at how pointy it is! So weird.. I'm still a bit freaked out by how much my body is already changing at this early stage. I can't wait to look properly pregnant instead of just bloated!

Oh, and we just got back from our 4 days away on the South Coast. It was lovely! So relaxing. However I exactly wasn't feeling the best: headaches & nausea settling in, much worse than the past 12 weeks :( The headaches are the worst & I've had to succumb a few times & take some Paracetamol. 

I also forgot to add that we met with our lovely Obstetrician Dr P just before we took off. He took my blood pressure (as usual) and I was expecting it to be "perfect" as I'm always told. However he asked if I was still alive! Apparently it was quite low (hence the dizzy spells lately). He also went through my blood test results which found that I'm Vitamin D deficient. He prescribed more time in the sun! It's a common problem for us shift workers unfortunately. Luckily we had the most amazing weather whilst we were away so I spent a bit of time lazing around by the pool & on the beach (way too cold to go in!). I am feeling a bit better now but the headache is still hovering around. I'm trying to glug as much water as I can to ward it off. Will see how I go...

12 week NT Scan!! (updated pics)

The looooongest wait ever.. but finally we had our 12 week scan & ALL IS GOOD!!! WOOOOooo!!

Finally got to do the Facebook announcement thing (which I hated others for doing but couldn't help myself).

I thought I may have seen a little penis but I may have been wrong..

Any gender guesses are warmly welcomed! We're not going to find out but I love the fun of guessing!


So my phone hasn't stopped beeping & my Facebook notifications are off the charts! I never thought I'd see this day. To all those out there still trying, I can only say NEVER LOSE HOPE. It's so worth it in the end :-) xx

Note the cord around its neck in the pic above! Apparently this is ok & happens all the time as they move about. All the other pics happened after I was made to walk around & drink water to get the baby to change position. After that the baby became untangled. Scary!

12 weeks today!!!

I never thought this day would come.. This has seriously been the longest three months of my life!! I am SOOOOoooo relieved, elated, shocked and.. well.. happy. Just need Monday's NT scan to go well & I'll be a completely changed woman. I still can't believe there's actually a tiny human being inside me (even though my stomach shows otherwise). I have one more work shift tonight before I take a week off for some R & R. I hope I can concentrate. This is pretty close to being the most amazing day of my life. Fingers crossed I have a bigger day in six months time that will top them all! :-) Oh, and my stomach just did a flip when I realised I'm about to enter the second trimester!!! What the? ;-)

11w4d pg - Maternity Jeans!

Bought my first maternity items yesterday - 2 pairs of jeans!! :)

Hope I'm not jumping the gun. Was going to wait until after my 12wk scan but my pants & jeans are getting so tight! I found some jeans in Just Jeans that have those adjustable stretchy tabs on the waistband - and they're SOOOOoooo comfy! I'm in heaven! All I need now are some work pants to match.

Six more days and we'll know if we can finally celebrate for real...

10w3d (yes, still pregnant!)

Just a quick post to let you know I'm still here & still pregnant.

Sorry I haven't posted for a while.. but I haven't had a lot to say.

I'm just living day by day & wishing the weeks away!

We told our families about the pregnancy & of course they're thrilled.

But for some reason it's made me more nervous.

I feel more people are riding on this one sticking.

It still doesn't feel real.

Although sometimes, like today, I feel crap which is reassuring.

I'm not going to complain because I know a LOT of women suffer badly with morning sickness.

I haven't been sick as such, but I'm nauseous a fair bit, especially when I don't eat every hour or two.

And I'm tired a lot, which isn't great when you're a shift worker like myself.

I've worked a lot of afternoon/night shifts which have been a struggle & then today I started work at 3.45am.

That sucked. And I've been suffering for it all day, despite trying to get a nap in when I got home.

OK, I realise that's complaining.

I'm seriously grateful for the symptoms! 

I even worry that I don't have enough. You can never be happy.

My boobs are still veiny but they're not very sore anymore & they don't feel any bigger yet.

When other women tell me what theirs felt like in early pregnancy I have a pang of nervousness.. kind of like I'm being discovered as a fraud or something. Sounds weird but it's how I feel.

Anyway, I'm going to bed now.

I've been up reading Facebook & other blogs & I've shed way too many tears.

Everything makes me cry &, in turn, more exhausted.

I have two days off now so I'm going to rest up & recoup.

Only 2 more weeks until my next scan & hopefully some sort of comfort & reassurance.

I'm tempted to sneak a visit to my OB tomorrow to check on things but DP is urging me to wait & see how much bigger "Malibu" has grown by the 12 week scan.

Patience is a virtue.. and mine is being tested!!

8w6d pg - Happy Baby on Board! (pic)

Yes! Baby is doing fine! He/she (herein nicknamed Malibu by his/her surfie father) is measuring 1 day ahead & was moving around happily.

I am SOOOoooooo relieved! I almost threw up in the waiting room from the nerves.

And to top off my fabulous week, my "little" nephew Nico Luca was born yesterday weighing a hefty 9.4lb!
Here he is:

Love him already xx

8d5w pg - Scan tomorrow

I've just had 2 days off work. Feeling a bit more like myself today. I tried to do a bit of yoga this morning (but had trouble doing some of the floor stretches due to my pulled butt muscle) and then went for a walk in the sunshine with DP.

Tomorrow is scan #2.

My lovely FS & (hopefully) future OB scheduled a repeat scan to help ease my fears. I'm feeling much more hopeful this time. Last time I booked myself in for a repeat scan with a private company after constant spotting & just knew there was something wrong. I don't have that same feeling this time... but it doesn't take away the nerves & fear. What if I'm wrong?

Not helping my nerves tonight is the fact that I'm currently expecting a phone call from my brother in the UK to announce the birth of his son. I'm excited for him as he's been through the wringer over the last couple of years, after his 6 year old son succumbed to Leukaemia.

We need some good news.. and I think we deserve twice as much!

8w2d pg... and struggling

Firstly I'd like to preface this post by saying: YES! I am deliriously happy that I am currently pregnant.

Now that's out of the way, here's my massive whinge:

I feel rubbish.

I'm exhausted.

I feel nauseous most of the time, but haven't yet barfed.. so I know I should be grateful.

My body aches - I still have a huge pain in my butt that I think is Pelvic Girdle Pain (my own diagnosis), and now my hips hurt when I walk up stairs.

I've had a few headaches that became absolute corkers!
I have an acne beard - like REALLY angry red zits ALL over my chin!

I'm the moodiest cow on the planet right now!

I've had meltdown after meltdown, most recently balling on my DP's shoulder as soon as I got home from work today.

I'm stuffing up at my job.

I'm stressed (and my next roster has me doing an extra 16hrs of overtime in one week as we're shortstaffed!).

I can't think straight.

I am eating like there's no tomorrow.

I have a massive gut (and no, it's not baby. I've read it's only water retention & overeating at this stage).

My clothes are bursting at the seams, and I used to be a slim person so it's getting noticeable at work.

I'm still obsessively checking my pants when I go to the bathroom for any "bad signs".

And to top it all off, my Mum went ahead and told my grandparents our news before I had a chance.. and I haven't told my brothers yet because I was waiting for our next scan later this week. I'm now stressing that my Nan (a huge fan of gossiping on the phone) will tell other members of the family and my brothers will hear it on the grapevine first. I'm also stressing my stinky cousins will get wind of the news & post something on my Facebook wall for everyone to see. I'm thinking of deleting them.

OK.. sorry for the rant. I feel better now. Until tomorrow...

But yes, once again, I still appreciate how lucky I am despite it all.

7w6d - Emotional Wreck

Having a bit of a grey day today. Feeling so emotional & stressed. I had to take myself out for a walk in the sunshine.

It was this stage last time that I started bleeding. I was interstate for work. And this weekend I have to fly interstate for work. The fear of it happening again is all-consuming. I hate this. I just want to be in ignorant bliss.

Still a week until my next scan. Hopefully I don't lose the plot by then!!

6w6d pg - First Scan (pic added)

I was supposed to have my first ultrasound tomorrow morning but, as I had feared, the clinic rang me today to reschedule as the OB had an "emergency procedure" tomorrow. I almost had a meltdown! In the end they managed to fit me in this afternoon which was a huge relief!

The Dr ended up admitting that the "emergency procedure" was a TV appearance :-/ and he was a bit embarrassed for the inconvenience it caused me.

Anyway, cut to the chase.. We have a baby, a yolk sac & a flickering heart! Yay! But the Dr knows that won't relax me as we saw a heartbeat last time & lost it after that. So he's getting me back in 2 weeks for another scan which is great.

I'm happy for now. This one looks different, looks good, & I'm going to enjoy that for now.
The nausea is also a comfort strangely.. although I haven't barfed.. yet.

6w1d PG - Careful What You Wish For

So I wanted more symptoms... and I got them!

Yesterday, 6 weeks to the day, I had the most HORRENDOUS headache I've had in years!! And along with that came the nausea. I was working out on location, trying to battle through, with everyone offering me various drugs, including Nurofen. Of course I made excuses that I was just dehydrated & I'd try to drink more water. Truth was I didn't have any paracetamol with me. Big mistake! Then I caught a lift home with some colleagues & had to sit in the middle of the back seat. That's when the nausea hit me. Great timing. I had the new girl on one side of me firing constant questions at me, and a stack of equipment the other side of me. So no escape. I managed to stifle the retching until we got back to work. Thank God! I was terrified of throwing up in the car with nowhere to turn.

Last night I was in so much pain I had to take 2 panadol. It finally eased the headache but the nausea continued all night. Today was my day off but I spent it lazing around & napping to catch up on my restless night. Fingers crossed I'm better tomorrow as I have another job on location and another trip in a car surrounded by boisterous colleagues. This time I'll have the panadol with me & a plastic bag for "emergencies". I'm dreading it.

Boobs are still mighty sore - they hurt when I roll over in bed. And my skin is breaking out again.

Be careful what you wish for!

ICSI #3 - 5w2d Blubbering Mess

I have cried roughly 12 times in the past 2 days.. for no reason.. ok, one reason was that we were watching Young Talent Time & a cute little Asian girl sang Adele's Someone Like You. I balled. I'm officially pathetic.

Boobs hurt a little.. perhaps from all the squeezing.. from me.. to see if they hurt.

That's all.

ICSI #3 - 5w1d pg

Who was I kidding in my last post?

Every day.. in fact EVERY TIME I go to the toilet I stress out.

I expect to see blood.

I keep wondering WHEN it's going to happen, not IF.

I feel totally different this pregnancy from the last time. That should give me some comfort. But I have regular aches & pains in my lower back & stomach, and they aren't reassuring. I didn't have ANY pains the last time and so the blood was totally out of the blue! I don't want to be caught off guard this time.. but obviously I don't want it to happen at all.

My breasts are a little achey but not a lot. I think I see more veins but then I think I'm just imagining them. My nipples are definitely sore to the touch but that could just be from the remnants of the progesterone supplements. I ran out of them before my blood test but (TMI warning) I'm still getting clumps coming out once in a while.

Two more weeks until my first ultrasound. It's one obstacle to overcome - seeing a heartbeat. But I know from experience this isn't the guarantee. There's so many more to come. 

I'm sorry to all those still going through the IVF process who might think I'm ungrateful. I'm not. It's just a long journey & I won't be relaxed or come to terms with it until I have that baby in my arms. It's a long way off.

It's Official! ICSI #3 - 4w4d pg

Well the blood test (beta) came back positive! Woo!

My HCG was 2793 @ 13dp5dt (I think.. my pen wouldn't work straight away, but it was definitely in the 2000s). My due date is November 10, 2012. Let's just hope this one's normal & sticks.. at the moment I feel pretty good about that.

I'm still feeling pretty run down. I didn't sleep much last night & woke up super early with stomach pains. When I got up to pee I had another bout of (TMI) the runs (sorry). I also had what I think is reflux & heartburn. Basically I just felt really uncomfortable & cranky. The nurse worried me a bit this morning when she said that could all be a sign of AF coming, as well as being pregnant. But thank goodness it was the latter.

DP is being a bit reserved and cautious at the moment. He doesn't want to see us crash & burn again. But I'm going to enjoy this. I don't want my baby picking up on any negative vibes.

This is the one. It HAS to be :-)

12dp5dt update

I just got home today after a few days interstate for work. I am SOOOooo glad to be home! I am simply exhausted!!

The work was long and gruelling & I had absolutely NO energy. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I just felt "blah". I wasn't nauseous as such.. but I definitely felt "off". I've had almost constant light AF pains in my lower back & abdomen. On top of that I've been so bloated & gassy! See pics below:

The first one was about 4 days ago, the second one was taken last night:

I normally have a flat(ish) stomach so even the first one is big for me. The second one was so painful! I felt like I was going to explode.

TMI Warning now... 

I had a bit of diarrhoea on Saturday night after going out to dinner with a friend. I had seafood & she said she thought you shouldn't eat seafood when you're pg. I said it was fine in moderation. But after my bout in the loo I got a bit worried. Although it passed soon after.

So, fast forward to tonight & I'm finally home & hap-hap-happy! To top it off I did another HPT & the "pregnant" test line was heaps darker than the control line! Yay! I'm still pregnant!

Blood test (beta) is tomorrow. Looking forward to it :)

ICSI #3 - 8dp5dt HPT result

I peed into a container first thing this morning but almost couldn't bring myself to test! I spent an hour googling "how to prepare for a BFN"! But the general advice was that there was no way to prepare.

I finally summoned up the courage to test (despite my heart jumping out of my chest) and here it is:





+++++++


UPDATE: Here's the pic.. I was in such a state I couldn't figure out to how to upload the photo properly!

7dp5dt - OHSS &/or PG???

Feeling pretty rubbish today.

So short of breath right now.. it's been on & off for a few days. I took yesterday off work cos I thought it was just caused by my hugely stressful shift at work on Monday. Yesterday wasn't too bad but today it's picked up. And all I've done today is laze around on the couch & have a 3hr nap in the middle of the day!

I'm also getting tummy pain. I've had slight AF type cramps since about 2dpET but now it kind of seems like bladder irritation.. like I've waited too long to pee. I wake up early busting for the loo and have been going fairly regularly throughout the day so I don't think it's that. I've got a tiny bit of lower back pain too. And I'm still a bit bloated with lots of gas (poor DP!). My nose is really stuffy which could be the cause of my sore throat (sleeping with mouth open). 

I was originally thinking I had pg symptoms & was feeling quite positive.. but now I feel like it could be OHSS. I don't think I've put much weight on though.. and my stomach isn't any bigger than it normally is during a cycle.

I'm thinking I might ring the clinic tomorrow & ask the nurses about it all. I also want to mention my Crinone sticks are going to run out a few days before my BT on Tuesday. That happened last time & they didn't get me to pick up some more.. apparently it's not that important. I've got to fly interstate for a a few days on Friday & we're seriously short-staffed (more than usual) so I can't be off sick. Oh the joy!

Anyhoo.. thinking of POAS tomorrow (!). Bought some yesterday & the temptation might just get to me. It's my last day off tomorrow before I fly out & I really don't want to find out (either by testing or by AF) whilst I'm away. I'd rather do it with DP home so I've got a whole day to deal with a negative if it comes.. 

Just typing that made my stomach drop. Please please please don't be bad news!!!

5dp5dt ramblings

(I actually had to check what day I was up to on this 2ww - crazy!)

So MAJOR meltdown today. I just had THE most stressful day at work (and I have many in my job, they come with the territory) but today was pretty bad. And yesterday was a doozy too. I feel like I'm killing my embryo. It's making me super cranky.. like the bitch from Hell!!

I lost it at poor DP tonight because he finished the milk (my special organic milk) and didn't replace it. He ended up going out at 10.30pm to buy some more. I'm such a cow (which incidentally would be handy if I could produce my own milk!).

So I decided to chuck a sickie tomorrow. Normally I would feel hugely guilty cos my colleagues then have to pick up the slack & we're already short-staffed. But I really feel like I have to do this for myself & my potential baby... if it's still in there. My GP has offered a few times to write me a certificate if I feel like I need time off from work. But I've never taken her up on it due to the guilt factor. Now I definitely need to take a "sanity" day & chill out.

Unfortunately we've got a rent inspection tomorrow morning (!) so I've spent the evening (after my nightmare shift) on my hands & knees scrubbing floors & bathroom tiles with bleach. I lost it big time again because the sponge fell off the mop while I was trying to scrub, and cos I was using chemicals which is BAAAADDD! Now I really feel genuinely sick. I'm not sure if I'm imagining it but these smells are really getting to me & making me a bit nauseous. I also got quite short of breath at work today but that could have been the stressful situation.

Well now I have 3 days off (and so does DP :) so hopefully I can relax & look after myself a bit better.

I can hear you asking: are you going to POAS? I'm not sure yet. Last cycle I did it at 6dp5dt & it was a super faint line (almost non-existent). I remember obsessing over whether the second line was there or not. I'm not sure I want to do that to myself this time. I'm also not sure I want bad news when I feel like maybe I could be?? I think I want to live in hope just a bit longer. We'll see......

2ww thoughts

We have no frosties.. so frustrated.

Also feeling guilty about flying so soon after ET.
And lifting my cabin luggage.
And eating the sandwich on the plane - it had ham & mayonnaise.

So hungry today.. stomach churning, feels empty all the time (apart from just after the massive room service steak & extra side of fries I smashed earlier). Probably in my mind.
Going out of my mind & it's only been 2 days.

How will I get through this? At least I'll be manically busy at work tomorrow.

ICSI #3 - Costs So Far..

Costs so far for this cycle:

$693 - DP's sperm extraction theatre fees (16/2)

has basic hospital cover - no Medicare rebate

$0 - My egg retrieval theatre fees - nothing payable (16/2)

top hospital cover

$8645 - ICSI cycle fees (21/2)

Medicare rebate $5062 = out of pocket $3583


$488 - DP's Anaesthetist fees for TESE on EPU day
Medicare rebate $133, waiting for private health rebate

$469 - My Anaesthetist fees for EPU

Medicare rebate $119, waiting for private health rebate

More to come....

ICSI #3 - Embryo Transfer

I'm officially PUPO.. again. We have one embryo on board! I told DP it was like we were picking up our baby from the babysitter.. they've just been minding it for us. He of course shook his head.

The lab will let the other embryos sit overnight & see how they're developing tomorrow. They'll ring & let us know if there's any worth freezing.. fingers crossed but I'll be shocked if there are! We haven't had any success in that department as yet.

But on a positive note, we had one "expanding blastocyst" to transfer. Last time we had a "hatching blastocyst" but this is still just as promising. My FS said it should start hatching within the next few hours or so if it's a good embryo.

Our clinic here in Australia doesn't prescribe bed rest after a transfer, as opposed to the US & other countries, so they usher you out of the transfer room immediately afterwards. It's unnerving to get up so soon but I've researched this & found out bed rest is an outdated recommendation & is now found to be unnecessary. I did, however, lay on the couch watching TV for about an hour when we got home. After that I decided not to waste a beautiful day off from work with DP & we went for a lovely drive up to Newport for lunch. I didn't go for a run or anything but I certainly wasn't still. Fingers crossed the movement increases the blood flow to the right regions for implantation.

Speaking of movement, I'm flying interstate (2hr flight) for work again tomorrow afternoon so I'm a bit nervous about its effect. I'm going to make sure I get up a couple of times & walk around & stretch.. It's also a highly stressful job but I've got to keep as calm as possible. I know it's not good for this situation.

Right now I'm feeling pretty good & fairly positive.

Time to try & fit all my potions into my small carry-on luggage.. I think it's going to be a struggle! ;-)

ICSI #3 - 3dpEC Update

The lab called today.. it seems we now have SIX embryos dividing away (one more than the last time they called!). One is only at the 3-cell stage which is lagging behind. Two are already reaching the morula stage ahead of time!! I couldn't hear the assistant properly when she rattled off how many cells the others were at but just glad two are doing so well. They'll call again tomorrow to give me another update & the time for my transfer on Wednesday.

I'm a bit chirpier today. I've been pretty moody lately & poor DP has copped it :( Today I went back to work (for 3.30am thanks very much!!) and my shift went fairly well considering. I'm feeling a lot better today, just a few slight twinges in my belly but nothing too painful. I went back & re-read my blogs from the last 2 cycles. It seems I also had sore nipples as well as bad gas & gas pains then too. It's all coming back to me now. Luckily the bleeding stopped after the first day and a half.

I also just remembered that I drank 100% purple grape juice last cycle & didn't have any handy this time. So we went shopping at the supermarket & could only get reconstituted juice. I'm sure it doesn't make a hell of a difference if I drink it or not but now I'm feeling superstitious - it worked last time so what if it was the juice?! I also bought a pineapple & have just made myself a smoothie with pineapple core, rockmelon, blueberries, chocolate Sustagen Hospital Formula powder, yoghurt & organic full cream milk - it's a little bitter & I'm struggling to down it. Every morning I also eat bran cereal sprinkled with sunflower seeds, pepitas, blueberries & goji berries. The breakfast has been a ritual for some time, as has the organic milk & Sustagen every night. And I only drink Rooibos Tea, no caffeine at all. I'm sure if I was someone else listening to me I'd tell me how ridiculous I'm being LOL! But it's fun to feel like I have some control over the situation.

Well, off to bed. It's another 3am wake-up call for tomorrow! I've been trying to read trashy romance novels every night to take my mind off things.. but I'm sure I will dream of happy little embryos bursting out of their skins to meet me! :-)

ICSI #3 - Egg Collection

So my egg retrieval was yesterday & DP had testicular sperm extraction. It feels like such a routine for us now. However the clinic staff buggered up a bit & just sent me down to theatre by myself while DP had to wait upstairs (last time we "roomed" together before surgery). It was only when my FS asked me to remind him if we were using frozen sperm this time (which we weren't - we wanted to use fresh again) that they called up for someone to quickly sort the paperwork for DP. Lucky they did or he may not have made it into surgery in time. I saw him briefly while I was in recovery, just before he went into theatre. We would have pointed out this oversight to them at the time but we thought they knew better & it was part of the plan??

Anyhoo, it was all same same. We went home afterwards & lazed on the couch for a while. I had a snooze cos we had to be at the clinic at 6.30am!! We were there before any staff were.. and were locked out for a while before being trapped in the stairwell cos the lifts weren't operating yet LOL. I wish they told us we'd be the first patients & that they wouldn't be open a minute before 6.30am. Oh well.

So DP is recovering ok.. his bits aren't sore, just a little uncomfortable with the stitches. I'm ok too.. just feel like I've been kicked in the abdomen & have to ease into sitting or standing. I think I'll be fine by Monday when I have to go back to work (my Dr certificate only covered me for one day - seriously??). I'm also bleeding a little this time. I don't remember bleeding the last couple of times but I should probably go back & read my blogs to see if I've just forgotten. My BBs have been super sore for the last week too (especially my nipples - TMI). I think it's just from the hormones I've been injecting.

So to the important stuff - the lab called this morning & from the 10 eggs collected, and the 7 that were mature & therefore injected (ICSI), 5 of those have fertilised. It's not a lot but it's better that none. I'm a bit numb about it all. I've come to terms with it being such a numbers game & just the luck of the draw. We never get loads & the ones we get aren't fantastic. And the pretty good one we got last time was "defective".

So we wait & see.

And get on with our lives.

And hope...

All Aboard Again.. Cycle #3

Well, we've started again.. we're two days into cycle #3.

It ended up being a spur of the moment decision. I was intending to start a cycle in March but then found out from my boss that someone in my department had booked annual leave & that I couldn't also take time off. I thought I could book a week off around egg retrieval to avoid questions over my absence. But alas. She also said April was a definite no-no and another colleague may need time off in February. I was so annoyed. I'm meant to be going overseas for a big work project in July so I felt like my time was running out.

So, AF came a little early and I thought "bugger it, I'm going for it". After all, we're not getting any younger. I'm 37 this year & DP is 52. I'm putting life into perspective and work is so far down the list these days. They can't stop me from doing IVF. Everyone seems to be able to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and work has no choice but to grant them time off. Now it's my turn.

Our only fly in the ointment is that I'm flying interstate on Tuesday (which is Cycle Day 5) and not coming back until Cycle Day 9. The clinic are being quite good in that they're letting me come in early on Tuesday before my flight to collect all the drugs I'll need to get me through. They were a bit reluctant but it seems my specialist is ok with letting me go unmonitored for a few days. It's just lucky that I've done this Antagonist cycle before & my levels didn't go off the chart, so they're fairly confident I'll be ok this time.

So, fingers crossed! And off we go...