April 26, 2011

And Then There Was 1..

One lonely embryo has made it through.

I'm numb. The odds are against us. I'm already thinking to the next attempt. I hope I can get straight into the next cycle. Should I be thinking positive about this round? Probably. But I can't. I don't think I could handle the disappointment if I got my hopes up. I just want to get this over with.

Transfer tomorrow 9.10am. A mere $7540 taken off my credit cards today. The hellish 2ww (2 weeks waiting) ahead of me. It's going to be torture. I'm not sure I'm strong enough for all this. I don't know how women can do 5, 6, 10 attempts. How am I going to get through this one, let alone a second?

I'm trying to remember what my life was like before all of this obsession. I vaguely recall it was great & I loved it. But now it seems so meaningless. I need to find something to hold on to.. for my sanity. I need to rediscover my obsession for my DP, he deserves more from me. He doesn't deserve a moody, snapping dragonlady who can only converse about eggs, sperm & baby names. He still remembers who I was. I just need him to remind me.

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