5dp5dt ramblings

(I actually had to check what day I was up to on this 2ww - crazy!)

So MAJOR meltdown today. I just had THE most stressful day at work (and I have many in my job, they come with the territory) but today was pretty bad. And yesterday was a doozy too. I feel like I'm killing my embryo. It's making me super cranky.. like the bitch from Hell!!

I lost it at poor DP tonight because he finished the milk (my special organic milk) and didn't replace it. He ended up going out at 10.30pm to buy some more. I'm such a cow (which incidentally would be handy if I could produce my own milk!).

So I decided to chuck a sickie tomorrow. Normally I would feel hugely guilty cos my colleagues then have to pick up the slack & we're already short-staffed. But I really feel like I have to do this for myself & my potential baby... if it's still in there. My GP has offered a few times to write me a certificate if I feel like I need time off from work. But I've never taken her up on it due to the guilt factor. Now I definitely need to take a "sanity" day & chill out.

Unfortunately we've got a rent inspection tomorrow morning (!) so I've spent the evening (after my nightmare shift) on my hands & knees scrubbing floors & bathroom tiles with bleach. I lost it big time again because the sponge fell off the mop while I was trying to scrub, and cos I was using chemicals which is BAAAADDD! Now I really feel genuinely sick. I'm not sure if I'm imagining it but these smells are really getting to me & making me a bit nauseous. I also got quite short of breath at work today but that could have been the stressful situation.

Well now I have 3 days off (and so does DP :) so hopefully I can relax & look after myself a bit better.

I can hear you asking: are you going to POAS? I'm not sure yet. Last cycle I did it at 6dp5dt & it was a super faint line (almost non-existent). I remember obsessing over whether the second line was there or not. I'm not sure I want to do that to myself this time. I'm also not sure I want bad news when I feel like maybe I could be?? I think I want to live in hope just a bit longer. We'll see......