ICSI #5 - Easy EPU

So yesterday I had my egg collection. No big deal, been there done that. Although I have to say I wasn't happy with the nurse this time - when I got up on the operating table & they asked me to put my legs up in the stirrups she lifted my gown up onto my belly so my bits were hanging out in the breeze! I mean I know they will be when they start the collection but usually they wait until I'm knocked out to do that! Can't a girl feel like she's retaining SOME dignity??!

After going home I wasn't in too much pain, just a tiny bit tender in the abdomen. I didn't need any pain relief so it can't have been too bad. I guess that's probably because they only had to poke around for four eggs this time! In my first three cycles where I averaged 10 eggs I was a bit more sore. I woukd take the extra pain if it meant I had more eggs. But alas..

The lab just called with an update & out of the four eggs collected only three were mature & therefore injected. And out of those three only two have fertilised. It's pretty rubbish but that's life. I'm not losing hope yet. I started feeling clucky this week, the first time since having my toddler, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I'm really ready for success now. I'm truly open to a new little one entering our lives & filling us with more love! Bring it on please Universe!!

ICSI #5 - Trigger night tension

Gearing up for yet another EPU (Egg Pick Up or Egg Collection) tomorrow.

I got the call yesterday afternoon with all the details about my trigger and hospital admission but unfortunately I was on-air (working in the control room of television news) at the time and missed the call. I realised it was about 4.40pm so I called back to ask if I could speak to someone after 5.30pm as that’s when I’d be free, but nope – they were only available until 5pm! So I had to speak to someone whilst we were on-air.. absolutely nightmare! I was trying to count & animate graphics & concentrate on my job at the same time as listening to a nurse give me important details & jot them down! I felt so rude that I had to keep asking her to wait a second, then get her to repeat what she just said. Then she kept asking me to repeat the details back to her because she was concerned I wasn’t taking it all in. It was very hard to talk back as I was trying not to let my colleagues hear what I was saying as they don’t know I’m doing IVF again. Ugh. I couldn’t call back in the morning as I needed to inject the trigger that night & they wouldn’t leave details on my voicemail.

So after all that, I had a minor panic last night because I was unsure I’d heard the nurse right. She told me to trigger at 9.40pm but not to inject Gonal-f anymore. Then when she asked me what time I usually inject the Orgalutran, 10.15pm, I’m pretty sure she said “you may as well have that at your normal time too”. Of course when I got home after 7.30pm I started to think about it. I’m “pretty” sure they’ve always instructed me to do the trigger at night & not to inject anything else that day. I tried googling things like “trigger and orgalutran” and “last orgalutran before trigger” but nothing was that clear. My interpretation was that the orgalutran shouldn’t be taken close to, and especially AFTER” the trigger injection. I posted the question on an IVF support page on Facebook & one lady responded. She suggested I ring the clinic’s after hours number but she also thought I shouldn’t do the orgalutran again. I rang the clinic and the machine’s message said the after hours specialist was available between 5pm and 10pm. By this stage it was10.45pm. I rang & got voicemail. Starting to stress out a bit at this point I decided to send a text. Straight away the Dr called back & was rather abrupt (I guess I woke him up!). He basically said there’s no point doing the Orgalutran as it won’t stop ovulation after the trigger. So I felt better. But since then I’ve started stressing about ovulating! Did he mean I should have taken it BEFORE the trigger?!  What if I ovulate before tomorrow morning? I just went to the loo at work and (TMI warning) had a lot of CM. As a 5-cycle veteran of this process you’d think I’d know what the hell I’m doing by now! That’s why I’m blogging this extremely boring post – so I can refer back to it next time & hopefully avoid the anxiety! Ha.

Right. I’ll be finished work in about half an hour (10.30pm) then it’s off home to quickly pig out and drink a gallon of water before I have to start fasting at midnight. I have to be at the hospital at 8.10am tomorrow. DP will bring DS and then drop him off at daycare at 8.30am before coming back. He’s on standby once again in case the frozen sperm doesn’t defrost well. At least our usual Dr (FS) should be performing the op tomorrow – last time he was away so there wasn’t anyone familiar in the operating theatre. So that’s a plus & makes me feel a bit better. Only 3 big eggs appeared in the ultrasound so looks like we’re working with small numbers again. It’s like déjà vu. Only this time we’ll be successful ;-)

ICSI #5 - Crazy shit. Day 2.

So, again on a whim, I decided to do another cycle this month. Next month will be busy at work and I just found out the Australian Government is increasing the Medicare Safety Net threshold from January next year (2015) which means our out of pocket expenses will increase. So the more cycles I can fit in before then the better. If this one doesn't work I'll probably do one more before Christmas. Probably.

I don't know how I do it, but crazy shit always seems to happen when I start a cycle. First clinic appoint - car battery dead. Running late. Garage key missing. Can't get other car out. Toddler running rampant. Hubby rings right then. Abuse hubby. Blame hubby for lost key & flat battery. Run back upstairs dragging narky toddler behind. Go ballistic. Crack the shits. Find the key in handbag.

Ring clinic. Tell them we'll be late. Back downstairs. Open garage. Buckle poor squirming toddler into car. Take off. 10 minutes late, but all fine at clinic.

Bad mummy & wifey moment. Probably won't be the last.


So last night was my first injection. As per every other cycle, I stress about the time I pick for injections. It has to be the same time every night and has to fit into a break time during my erratic shifts. I study my roster & decide upon 10.15pm this month. But last night, I was still flat out as my alarm went off... in a room full of colleagues, and no escape. As soon as we finished, I bolted to the loo so I could inject. But of course a colleague was walking out with me and insisted upon waiting outside the door.. with other colleagues.. and many members of the public walking by. I could hear their conversations from inside, and hoped to God they couldn't hear me LOUDLY unravelling the plastic bags and opening the plastic container with Gonal-F pen and ice block in. Hands shaking, I rigged the pen & I stabbed my tummy in a panic. Of course blood started pooling on my belly & OF COURSE I was wearing white! Stuffing paper towel under my top I hurriedly packed everything away, again LOUDLY, flushed the loo, washing my hands & dashed out. I'm sure I took WAY longer than the duration of a pee, but they didn't say anything. God how embarrassing! They probably thought I was having issues from dinner or unwrapping sanitary pads or something. Ugh.

To top all that off, the killer headache kicked in first thing this morning. Ah yes, I remember you. And you SUCK! Panadol is not helping. I'm drinking as much water as I can to no avail. This bit really blows. Actually all of it blows, who am I kidding?

My boss has kindly agreed to rework my roster to avoid my calculated Egg Collection date (cycle day 14), but this is MY rough calculation based on previous cycles, and is no guarantee. So this still doesn't alleviate my stress in trying to cause little impact on the rest of my department. My boss & I had discussed taking a week or two off around the collection date this time but that hasn't panned out. My dear & much loved Nan passed away a couple of weeks ago so I had to take time off to travel interstate. If I took time off now it would look too suss and raise too many questions. Maybe next time. I hope my new Angel up there can pull some strings and ensure there doesn't need to be a next time.

I'm just so so immensely grateful I have my beautiful and happy little boy, so I know I am infinitely blessed... but it still feels so unfair to have to face this horrendous journey again to complete our family. Why any of us should have to go through this infertility garbage I'll never understand. But at least I have been, and still am able to use IVF. I know I'm lucky, really.

ICSI #4 - All Over

Just woke up & AF came with a vengance.

I feel defeated.

8dp5dt - Is this the end?

I've been reluctant to post any "symptoms" during the 2ww in case I jinx myself & end up with egg on my face. But it seems it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Is this the end?

I was awoken up by painful intense cramps the morning of 4dp5dt & thought it might have been implantation. They only lasted a few hours on & off .. something I don't usually experience in a normal cycle. I then started getting backaches, slight nausea, upset tummy, sharp pains just next to my belly button & a really nasty headache that lasted for 2 days from 6dp5dt. Surely these were pregnancy symptoms??! I was starting to feel a little smug. Now I just feel like a mug!

This morning I used a leftover First Response (FRER) HPT from our last cycle. It expired about 9mths ago but surely it would still pick up any HCG in my system? Nope. A pretty definitive & glaringly obvious BFN. I was down, but clutching at straws thinking there's still hope. Too early? Faulty cos it was expired? So I ordered another packet of FRERs with my online groceries to be delivered tomorrow. I could test again tomorrow & see my BFP! But tonight I saw blood. A very faint hint on my panty liner.. & then a few red spots on the Crinone (progesterone) applicator. AF's coming... & she can kiss my ass.

So I had half a glass of wine tonight.. my big FUCK YOU to infertility!

I just don't know if I can do this again. It's shit. It really is. IVF is no picnic. It interrupts & takes over your life. It's unfair. It's painful. It's horrendously expensive. It's emotional. And it's shit.

IVF (ICSI) costs round #4

These are our costs so far for this round of ICSI:

Fertility Specialist initial consult: $195 (covered in full by Medicare cheque)

Cycle fees: $9922 paid upfront the day before embryo transfer
(approx $5256 rebate from Medicare - safety net not reached)
$4666 out of pocket

Egg Collection: $250 (private health excess - AHM)

Embryo Transfer: $250 (private health excess)

EC Anaesthetist: ? approx $500 ? (bill to come)

Ongoing frozen sperm storage: $220 per six months

Paid so far: approx $5766

Should be out of pocket: approx $6200 ??!!!


Hoping there's no other bills to come that I've forgotten about! 😱

Transfer day!

And once again I'm PUPO!

We have one morula onboard. The two embryos that had reached the desired 6-8 cell stage in our last update ended up slowing down & didn't have enough cells. The lab will "keep an eye on them" but they're probably no good for freezing. The third embryo that was only five cells at the update sped up & became a morula (not quite blastocyst) by this morning. The FS said it could be that or maybe the cells were so compacted that it was hard to count the cells properly back then. Either way it's our only hope for this cycle. Out of four cycles now we've NEVER ended up with more than one viable embryo on transfer day! I guess a FET isn't an option for us :(

We found out the day before Egg Collection that our FS was in Bali for a conference & wouldn't be there. We had a female FS fill in instead. She was nice but it was a little disappointing. We weren't expecting him to be back for the Embryo Transfer today either but he actually flew back this morning & scheduled us at midday so he could perform it for us. So lovely & kind of him!

So, we came home, ate lunch on the couch in front of the tv for a while, then went to pick up TJ from daycare & take DP to work. Fingers crossed my darling & overactive toddler sleeps this afternoon!!!

Here goes the dreaded TWW!