Fertility under fire

Yesterday I found out (thanks to a woman on Facebook) that there was a fire at my clinic on the weekend.. apparently there was significant damage caused to the reception area, day clinic & day surgery, but stored embryos, eggs & sperm weren't affected. This woman was told her transfer couldn't go ahead as planned this week & if her one embryo wasn't deemed strong enough to freeze they would let it expire. I'm horrified & distraught for this lady. Like me, she gets very few eggs collected, then is lucky for them to fertilise, so this new development is a huge blow and may cost her the chance to conceive another child. Thinking of her this week x

I haven't yet heard if my procedures will be affected next week. I was going to call but I'm assuming they're flat out making other arrangements for this week's procedures, so I'll give them a bit of space. I go to a smaller clinic close to home for monitoring on Friday so I might wait to ask them. Hopefully the repairs are fast-tracked & all is sorted again by then.

Today I started taking Cetrotide. So that's 3 injections every morning! My belly is already tender! And what a production it is every morning, mixing the powders and water! Why can't the Luveris & Cetrotide come in convenient pre-mixed pens like the Gonal-f?? And why do the needles have to be so fat and so bloody ouchy going in??!! I'm ok with needles, the Gonal-f is a breeze, but these other two....

God I hope they're all doing their thing in there.. I'm nearing the end of the road. I really don't think I can do this anymore. I feel optimistic, kinda, but if we only get one egg, or even one embryo at the end again, I think it's time I accept defeat. Perhaps someone's trying to tell me something. Perhaps I AM being too greedy wanting another child. Perhaps I'm not even being the best Mum to him & I need to work on that. He really does deserve my undivided attention and a healthy & strong mum. Pumping all these hormones for this long can't be doing me good. I've got some hard thinking ahead of me.

Injection day

After my blood test this morning I got the call from the clinic to confirm all my levels were good and it was time to start the injections. The nurse rattled off some vague instructions at warp speed and seemed in a hurry to finish the call. I had to stop her and double check a few things.. I think they all just assume if you've done more than a few cycles before that you don't need anything explained. To be honest , in the few months between cycles I pretty much wipe my memory of all things IVF... or at least I try to.

So anyway, I believe my instructions are:

* Begin 300iu Gonal-f and Luveris injections tonight (CD4)

* Continue having Gonal-f and Luveris injections once daily from tomorrow morning

* Add once daily Cetrotide injections on Tuesday (CD8)

* Have blood test and ultrasound next Friday (CD11)

Originally they said my EPU would happen the week beginning Feb 22 so fingers crossed things go according to plan (read: fingers crossed I have more than ONE friggin egg to actually retrieve!).

(This is just the Gonal-f & Luveris)

Light period = poor lining??

So I found out yesterday that I'm also meant to be on Luveris again during this cycle. The pharmacist had me pay for it over the phone and then delivered it to me at work today. Tomorrow I will go in to the local branch to have my first blood test for this cycle and find out later if I am to start taking the Gonal-f after that. Tonight I took my last Progynova tablet, so was only on it for a week.

On another topic, today is CD3 and my period is so light. TMI but I barely need a tampon. It does worry me a little that this is reflective of a poor uterine lining. I've mentioned this to a nurse in the past but my concerns were brushed off. My linings have coincidentally been borderline leading up to transfers a few times so I still worry a little. I guess we'll see.

CD1

It's funny how your period starting can go from being such a massive negative (pardon the pun) one month to being such a great thing the next. This time I'm stoked - it started right on time and signals the start of possibilities.

Last month, for some monumentally STOOOOOPID reason, I had dared let myself believe I *could* be pregnant.. which is 99.99999999999999999999999999% impossible considering DH's 20 year old vasectomy and my.. well.. 40 year lack of fertility.. Why does a supposedly educated, intelligent and mature (ahem) woman talk herself into believing something so ridiculous? Because she WANTS to believe it. I have always had this fantasy that I would eventually fall pregnant naturally despite all our difficulties, just like that Facebook forum poster's cousin's friend's sister's hairdresser's sister-in-law did. If you Google "pregnant despite vasectomy" etc you WILL find a slew of people claiming it happened to them, or someone else they know. What you didn't Google was "delusional woman not pregnant despite thinking she could beat the odds and medical science". Because if you did - you'd see a giant picture of my pitiful self... NOT pregnant. So here I am trying to do many of you a favour.. here I will list all of my "pregnancy symptoms" that were actually just signs of impending AF (or imaginary altogether) and, embarrassingly, a UTI:
* Sore nipples
* Sore breasts
* Bloating
* Frequent urination
* Heavy feeling in the belly
* Strong sense of smell
* Empty feeling in the tummy - frequent hunger

I'm only listing this as I think it would have helped me when I Googled my symptoms, instead of it telling me I was up the duff and getting my hopes up. You might be.. but you also might not. I really hope you actually are.

Anyway, I digress. Today I went into the city to pick up my medications. DP and DS came in with me  for a day out but I went into the clinic alone. The pharmacist asked if I knew what drugs I was picking up which freaked me out a bit.. aren't they supposed to know? Turns out I'm also meant to be taking Luveris on top of the Gonal-f and Cetrotide, which the nurses I spoke to didn't mention. Anyway, a call later confirmed they would send it to the clinic closer to home so I can pick it up when I go for my blood test on Friday. I might be starting them medications on Friday but I think I'll call them tomorrow to confirm AF started today, just in case. My plan is different this time so I just want to make sure I don't stuff anything up.

So we went out after the clinic & had a lovely day, however I had to carry the medications around everywhere in a cooler bag with an ice pack. It was a pretty warm day and I was a bit stressed worrying about whether they were cold enough!! :-/ DH & I had a few drinks with lunch (I always have a few leading up to a cycle just in case I have to abstain for at least 9 months after ;-) but I didn't have enough water to drink so subsequently I have been nursing THE.WORST.HEADACHE I think I've ever had (apart from migraines). Rookie mistake. Thanks Progynova.

My IVF timetable & supplement regime

I took a break from all supplements apart from my multivitamin since our last unsuccessful cycle in September. I find when I'm taking them, it's really difficult to take a mental break from TTC - I am reminded daily.

I started up again in December sometime I think, so it's only been around 6-8 weeks. I planned to get back into IVF in March so I would have a good 3 months to get my system back in shape & give the supplements time to kick in. But a work opportunity has come up from March onwards which will make it difficult to take time off for procedures. So, we're jumping right back in now. Here's our draft timetable for the full stim cycle:

* Feb 2 (CD21) - begin taking Progynova 2mg twice a day

* Feb 12 - go in for a blood test & pick up my other medications (Gonal-f & Cetrotide), if all is well, start morning Gonal-f (FSH) injections

* Feb 16 - begin morning Cetrotide injections

* Feb 19 - follicle scans & blood test

* Feb ?? - Trigger injection tba

* Feb 22 - estimated week of egg collection

And here's what supplements I'm taking:

* Elevit multivitamins- 1 daily
* Fish oil - 1500mg once daily
* Probiotics - broad spectrum 35 billion once daily
* CoQ10 - 150mg once daily
* Iron + C (GP put me on these as I was pretty low & exhausted)

I'm trying to up my protein intake, more salads, less sugar (difficult!) aaaaand.... I'm back on full fat organic milk. I went dairy free about 12 months ago due to bad acne (definitely helped) but I wonder if that's hindering my fertility these days? We'll see if that helps.

I'm back

Funny, it's just occurred to me - I wonder how many times I've begun a post with "Well, here we go again." At least it would be funny, if it wasn't so depressing.

I was planning to wait until March to do another (probably our final) round of IVF, so I could get fit & healthy.. but an opportunity has come up to do some freelance work for my old employer starting in March & possibly right through to October. This will mean weekly commitments that I have to stick to.. so no time off for procedures. I called the clinic to check I wasn't too late to start the Progynova this month.. I made it by the skin of my teeth.

So today I dragged my 3yo kicking & screaming (literally) into the city to pick up my drugs. Every single time I feel like a novice with no clue (especially when I've had a big break from it), but it doesn't help when I've been put on a different protocol the last few times! So I ask the nurses a LOT of questions. They seem a bit bemused by my ignorance, considering I should be a pro at all this by now!

I start taking 2mg of Progynova twice a day on Feb 2 (cycle day 21) and go back in on Feb 12 (regardless of whether AF has arrived) for a blood test & to pick up the other medications (Gonal-f & Cetrotide). Then hopefully my EPU should happen around the week beginning Feb 22................... the  date of my embryo transfer back in 2012, which resulted in the conception of my son.

Forty in Fiji.. and other F words

Well, I turned 40 on holiday in Fiji a couple of weeks ago.

It would have been a wonderful way to reach a new milestone....

... had my period not started the night before.



Fuck.