Egg collection day (CD14) ICSI #4 (cycle 1, TTC #2)

An early start saw us drag ourselves & our bloodshot baggy eyes out to the clinic & day hospital for egg collection. Poor TJ had to be woken up & dressed quickly, then rushed into the car with no breakfast or milk. But he's such a trooper. He strutted out of the lift & over to the toy section like he owned the place! Maybe it feels like home to him? After all, he was created there!

After signing a bit of paperwork I was admitted & had to say goodbye to my boys. DP then took TJ to daycare for a few hours. I was led into the same cubicle as previous EC's to get changed into the sexy backless gown & fluffy robe. After about half an hour of trashy mag browsing (seriously who can concentrate on an article knowing your bits are about to be laid out for a room full of people to gawk at!) & a bunch of recited questions from the anaesthetist, I was collected & led down the hallway. I laid on the table, answered multiple questions asked simultaneously by various theatre staff, & had some happy juice inserted through the back of my hand. I was asked to help them get my legs into the stirrups.. oh the indignity! Wish they did that while I was knocked out!! An oxygen mask was placed on my face & I started to feel drunk. Aahhhh that's the stuff!

Seconds later (probably more like 20-30mins later) I started coming to in Recovery. I wasn't in any pain & had my blood pressure and temperature taken by the nurse. She then removed the lovely pad from between my legs. I tried to feel under the blankets for which hand they'd placed the tape on to tell me how many eggs they'd collected. Hmm.. I then lifted each hand up to see if it was perhaps just written on my skin? Nope, nothing. I started to panic. I heard the girl next to me ask the nurses how many she had & they said 10. I then heard the nurses chatting to each other about one procedure being cancelled (which they were happy about) & gathered that was DP's sperm extraction surgery. He'd also had to fast from midnight in case the frozen sperm wasn't usable. I waited until they walked me back to the cubicle & DP came down before asking about my eggs. Three. That's it. Three eggs. Seriously???!!! I'd had about 6-7 follicles on the scan 2 days ago. Did I ovulate & lose them? Or were these not worthy of collection? I guess I'll be asking these questions later. For now I'm just a little depressed.. as well as a bit tender in the tummy.

On the upside, the scientist called me this afternoon to say all (!) three eggs were injected with sperm & were doing "as well as can be expected at this early stage". She also said we actually had three straws of frozen sperm (one was apparently not entered into the system properly - which begs the question - is it actually DP's??? 😁) so we now still have two straws left. This is good news as DP has a heart condition after an attack out of the blue last year, so we're hoping to avoid surgery for him.

So, I know it's just a numbers game but previous cycles yielded 10-11 eggs & we only ever ended up with one embryo to transfer. Starting with just three eggs isn't a great beginning. I'm feeling guilty like this is bad karma from me not being more positive & "into" this cycle. I do really want it to work but I guess I protect myself by being negative & pretending I don't want it as much.

My hopes for any frozen embryos is a bit optimistic at this point I think.. now it's all about at least one making it to transfer day. Please divide away my little ones!!

Triggered! (CD12)

I have just given myself the Trigger injection (Ovidrel).
Thank goodness I have no more Orgalutran jabs - they're ouchy!

So I'm booked in for Egg Collection on Friday morning at 7.40am. This is less than ideal as our toddler's daycare doesn't open until 8.30am. Hubby has to come with me to the clinic & wait, as he'll be on standby again for testicular sperm extraction (under general anaesthetic) in case the frozen sperm doesn't fare well after thawing. That was a pain last time, but this time it's a logistical nightmare! We have no family here & the only friends we could call on will be working, AND don't love kids! I couldn't really leave TJ with them.

So.. now I'm trying to find a babysitter. I really wish I'd had him babysat more often now. He's only ever been looked after by my mum interstate, and one lovely babysitter who's just given birth to her third child! I'm feeling so emotional about this! He's quite clingy these days & I know he'll lose it as soon as we try to leave the house! I'm finding it hard to focus on the purpose of all this, the end goal, cos I just feel so guilty about leaving my little guy!

The fact that  I don't appear to have many follicles this time (maybe 6-7) isn't helping my mood. As well as the fact my boss is constantly quizzing me about my availability for shifts. I just want this week to be over so I can be home with my bub & over the pain.

Ouch!! (CD7)

Ouch! How did I forget just how painful the Orgalutran injections are????! Those needles are bloody huge! I really don't remember those! I mean, I remember the Gonal-f pen jabs & they're not too bad.. but these new ones I started tonight are torture! My tummy's sore :(

I also had a blood test at the clinic today & the nurse was a butcher. I'm left with a bruise & bright red puncture mark! She was pretty rough during the internal scan too. It was a little "uncomfortable" to say the least. And she kept mumbling during it.. the only thing I could make out was "early days yet" and "only 4 immature follicles". She didn't fill me with confidence!

It's funny how all the hellish details are just erased from your mind when you finally get that beautiful healthy child! I remember it was tough, really tough, but all those stressful hurdles & painful procedures just evaporate when that new little soul fills your world.

I hope I don't have to wait too long to forget again.

Time to try again

Well.. here we go again! All aboard the crazy train!!

We've just started another ICSI cycle to embark upon our journey for a sibling for our precious TJ.
He's amazing. Life is chaotic. But there's more love to share.

Watch this space.......

Non-Birth Story.. The End.

I've been debating with myself about whether to post my "birth story" on here. It wasn't exactly the experience I'd hoped for (read: horrendous!) and I think I've come to the conclusion that this isn't the place for such a story. I created this blog for my own sanity but also for those going through the insane journey that is IVF. In the end, it had the most amazing outcome and I'm so happy.

Up until about a month after the birth, I couldn't believe any woman would willingly go through it twice, but 2.5 months on... I'm sooooo in love with this little boy that I'm softening on the idea. My hospital stay was grueling and I definitely didn't feel myself but... it's labour! I don't know what I was expecting! I also felt a little disconnected from the situation. I think after everything I'd been through (both the 12 years of trying and the 27hrs of labour) I was numb. It didn't feel like it was happening to me. I stared at this little creature in my arms and couldn't quite comprehend that he was here and he was mine. I don't think I was exactly "depressed" as I did feel maternal towards him and thrilled he was here and healthy, but I also wasn't quite right. I can see that now. I just couldn't connect with my emotions and feel the way I knew I was meant to feel.

I don't want to scare anyone or imply it's less than amazing.. I just want to be honest about my experience. And to let anyone else going through the same thing know that, for me, it was short-lived and you will get through it. 10 weeks on, I am finally seeing through the fog and am blissfully loving life as a mummy. I look at this angel in my arms now and feel every emotion possible that it's overwhelming. But mostly love. So much love!

Overall, knowing what I know now, I would embark upon this journey again in a heartbeat! Wouldn't hesitate. It's just soooo worth it! It's all a blur now though.. all the little details that I obsessed about every minute of the day.. the needles, the appointments, the tests, the phone calls, the worries, the anticipation, the disappointments, the crushing blows.. and so many things I can't even remember - they're all so insignificant now in the scheme of things. They were just little hurdles along the way to my destiny. And the miscarriage? I actually feel the same way.. it was just a hurdle. It was unfortunate, and definitely not a piece of cake, but it happened and we got through it. That one wasn't meant to be. Now we have our REAL miracle:

 

 I wish you all the best in your journey and hope you are blessed with your little miracle when the time is right. I'm signing off now... until we try for number two... maybe ;-)

xx

It's a boy!!! Introducing Tyler Joel :) (PIC)

Sorry for the lack of update after my last post.. I've been a little busy ;-)

Introducing TYLER JOEL (TJ to his mates):

He was born at 8.45am yesterday (6/11) after about 27hrs of labour (birth story coming in a later post).

Birth weight 3240gms, length 51cm.

He's just perfect.. very placid (a little too much so at feeding time).

I can't believe I'm finally a Mum! It's surreal.. but awesome :)

Will post more when I'm home & have more than an iPhone to type on.

39+3wks - Early Labour??

So I've had Braxton Hicks for the last couple of months but they became really frequent in the last week or two. Then the other day I had a couple of semi-painful contractions. But only a couple. They stopped. This morning I woke up as my partner was leaving for work at 5am with more painful contractions. They haven't gone away! I've been timing them (it's now 12.30pm) and they're really irregular. The frequency varies between about 10-30mins. They feel like really painful period cramps low in my belly. I'm also feeling fairly constant back pain & tightening in the belly. I tried going back to bed around 8am but woke up with every contraction. Still, it was good to get a little rest. I also used a heated wheatbag to ease the backpain which worked ok.

Now I'm just watching TV, playing Bejewelled on the computer & trying to play it cool. But could this be the start of labour? I'm not sure seeing as they're so irregular, but they are coming frequently if that makes sense. I don't want to get DP excited as he's at work trying to concentrate, so I only have this forum to vent to! My mum wanted to know the minute I started getting signs but again, I don't want to get her hyped up if it's not the real thing.

The weird thing about today is that it's the ultrasound due date! We decided with our Dr that we'd stick with the IVF ICSI due date way back in the early days as he said it was more accurate (knowing the actual date of conception & all). Plus we liked the date - 10.11.12 (November 10 2012)! But hey - at the end of the day, baby chooses its own birthday right?!

Anyway, I still haven't noticed a lost plug or had the bloody show or anything. And my waters haven't broken. I know all these symptoms don't necessarily happen straight away but I'm just hoping for a "real" sign! Until then I guess I'll just get on with things. I've got the ingredients for some lactation biscuits so I might go & bake.. that'll help pass the time a little. And at least I'll have something yummy to nibble on between the niggles.

I'll keep you posted.. fingers crossed!!