Positive Affirmations (hear me out)

Now before you think I'm a hippy weirdo - I just want to preface this post by saying I was the most cynical of all IVF ladies out there. But in my opinion it doesn't hurt to try and be upbeat & positive, cos we all know this experience tries our strength & resolve to the absolute max! Since I've been saying these lines to myself at night (suggested to me by a non-IVF friend) good things have been happening. So as I'm stupidly superstitious I'm going to keep going. I thought I'd share them in case anyone else is interested. Enjoy :)

I trust my body.
New balance is coming to my body now.
My reproductive organs work in perfect harmony with my body to allow an easy conception.
My body knows how to conceive a healthy baby.

I allow new beginnings in my life.

I trust and I love myself.
I accept the gift of life within myself.

I willingly release old thinking patterns based on fear and self-doubt. I allow new ones based on love and self-confidence.
I now choose positive thoughts that nurture and support my life.
I accept the responsibilities of motherhood and I know I will rise to the occasion when the time comes.
I focus on the power of now.

I release fears about age and time.
I set my worries aside and I allow my body to do its job.
I surrender to the power of nature as I celebrate a new cycle of birth within myself.
I now release all emotional blocks that prevent me from conceiving a baby.
I now release all unwanted built-up emotional patterns that prevent me from connecting to my inner self.I am now becoming more and more confident about my ability to become a mother.
I now release all my fears and concerns about infertility and I declare myself fertile.
As my sadness lifts away a renewed sense of hope settles in my heart.

I welcome my time to be a parent.

I allow my creative energies to work through me and bring me a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I deserve the best outcome and with joy I am thankful of a new life.

I experience a profound connection to the miracle of life.

I now manifest my decision to have a baby.

FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE/WANT TO BELIEVE IN ANGELS

(I know, but hey - it can't hurt... unless someone overhears you ;-)

I ask the angelic healers to remove any block that prevents me from getting pregnant.
I surrender to the healing forces of the universe.
I ask Archangel Raphael to deeply heal my mind, body and soul now.
I ask the Angels for guidance and protection every day.
I am thankful for all I am and all I have. I am at peace.
I am thankful to God and the Angels for their help, protection and guidance.
I listen to my inner guidance and I act based upon my intuition.
I listen to subtle messages that the universe is sending me so that I can find the right therapy for my case.
I ask Archangel Michael to guide and protect me at all times.

ICSI #2 - Embie Update (3dpEC)

We still have 7!! Woohoo!! ;-)

As you can tell, I'm pretty happy about that. The lab called a little earlier today & woke me up. With fingers crossed I went through the usual procedure - telling them my date of birth - before they would give me the details. She said they're all dividing nicely as they should at this stage. And she said a couple were even reaching the morula stage which is fantastic! Woo! Last time I only ended up with 1 morula to transfer on Day 5, so this is STUPENDOUS news!

More positive thinking to be done today... it seems it's paying off ;-)

ICSI #2 - Embie Update (2dpEC)

Today we're down to 7 embryoes. One of yesterday's 8 was developing abnormally so that one's out of the race. I'm still feeling positive. It's still more than last time, & the lab tech said the remaining ones are "spot on", or "perfect", or something like that. Fingers crossed all 7 are still going strong tomorrow.

We finally ventured out of the house today. Just went for lunch at a place we haven't been to before. I'm still feeling a little tender in the abs & tummy region but on the mend. DP reckons he's had no pain whatsoever in the nether regions! He said "that's why they call me num(b) nuts!". Yep, he's funny.

More farting today, more zits (at least I could put some makeup on & hide the hideousness for a few hours!)

Happy happy thoughts.. blah blah ;-)

ICSI #2 - Embie Update (1dpEC)

Today we were told we have 8 eggs/embryos that fertilised successfully. So 10 becomes 9 becomes 8.. not too bad this time around. I'm fairly happy with that.

I'm not, however, happy with my face! It hurts & looks like a puss-ridden pizza.. ew! Sorry, TMI! I feel so ugly right now.. I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize, as hard as it is. I'm also farting like a trooper! Needless to say I'm hiding out at home today.. no-one needs to be exposed to the monster I've become.

Time to get off the stupid computer & read a book or go through my positive affirmations. I need to refocus & get rid of this depressed feeling. It doesn't do anyone any good.

'Til tomorrow :-)

ICSI #2 - Egg Collection Day

Sorry I've been slack - to be honest I was a bit sick of my own obsessions & my own voice so I've not bothered posting much this time. And a few weird things have happened this round.. I'll post about that later.

Anyhoo, my EC was this morning! DP also had a TESE or TESA (not really sure which), but basically he was knocked out & had a fine needle inserted into his "boys" to suck some swimmers out. We're both recovering at home at the moment. I'm feeling a bit tender & it hurts when I get up from sitting, but that's to be expected and not so bad that I need pain relief. DP is feeling good - no pain in that area yet but I suspect the local anaesthetic will wear off by tomorrow & he may end up walking like a cowboy.

Everything went pretty similar to last time. However this time I had the added horror of a face full of very nasty angry-looking red zits!! The worst acne I've had for some time - ALL over my chin!! And no - you're not allowed to wear ANY makeup, even concealer, so leaving the house completely bare-faced was possibly worse than the injections AND the operations put together!

So, we get to the clinic (Ms Pizza Face & her clear-complexioned partner). Unfortunately DP still isn't covered for his op by private health insurance as he hasn't served the waiting period... therefore his op cost $1064 so far :-0. At least I was ready for it this time, and I know to expect all the other bills in the mail - anaesthetist, Dr FS fee etc. instead of it being a very nasty surprise. DP & I were admitted & got to "room" together which was nice. He waited there for about half an hour (we think) whilst I had my eggies sucked out, then he was led to the operating room for his procedure. I had just woken up in Recovery & saw him walk past the doorway. He was away for about half an hour to 45 mins whilst I sat in our room to continue recovering & eat the yummy bickies.

Well not much more to tell about the ops themselves. The nurses let us catch a taxi home as we explained all our family & friends live interstate. They usually insist you have an escort but that was pretty difficult in our case.

So we got an update from the lab early this afternoon - of the 10 eggs they collected (we got 11 last time), 7 were mature.. but after a little while 2 others matured also. So, we ended up with 9 mature eggs (we only got 5 last time)! They got enough wriggling sperm from DP to inject all 9 eggs & freeze some for next time if required :)

All-in-all I'm a happy lady. It's still early days but I'm hoping all the positive thinking, chanting & good nutrition are going to hold us & our embies in good stead.

Fingers crossed & happy happy thoughts!!!!!!! ;-)

x

Antagonizing Cycle

OK.. firstly - LOVE this cycle! So far anyway. It's so much quicker & also easier that I take 2 injections at the same time once a day. On the Long Down Reg it was hard using the nasal spray in the morn, then injection at night, 12 hours apart. Everything's happening & moving along at a speedy pace.

What I DON'T love are these horrendous headaches! Correction: this ONE horrendous 3-day-long headache! Sooooo over it! And my head is hot, and I feel blah, and I'm constipated.. a little bit. I forgot what these nasty (but necessary) hormones can do to you.

And this dildocam business is getting old. Not a fan. Never will be. It's not natural (ironic, I know).

Was highly stressed tonight. Had to give a lift to & from work to one of my lovely colleagues. Unfortunately we were driving home right at the time my injections were due. I couldn't exactly pull over in the tunnel & excuse myself while I grab for my needles. Therefore I was 25 mins late to do them when I got home. Talk about panic! Thank goodness for Dr Google though - apparently as long as it's done within the hour I should be fine. Relief. Can go back to being just averagely neurotic now.

My head hurts. Off to bed to read a non-IVF, non-pregnancy, non-baby related novel. A forced mind break.

Here We Go Again..

I'm back.. sorry, it's been a while. You'll be glad to know I've spent the 3 months off IVF treatment, just having a good time. We went on a holiday to Darwin with DP's family & I drank like a fish! Figured I may as well make the most of the time off & enjoy a lovely vino.. or 10! I drowned Dry July!

But today it begins again. I dub thee AA August (1 day early!)

AF turned up dead on time yesterday so back to the clinic today for a blood test, collect my meds & sign away my life... or the next month at least. Oh how rusty I feel! The nurse was a bit stern with me on the phone yesterday. It seems I should have called earlier to organise the paperwork & get an appointment yesterday. Ooops! Naughty me! I felt like a kid getting told off by the teacher. When it's your first cycle the staff are all very calm & patient with you. But God forbid you're an experienced IVF-er & you forget a few simple things!

I was a little panicked when she pushed the Gonal-F pack in my direction & sped through the cycle chart with a brief explanation. I had to ask her to go through it again as it had been a while. I'm sure she was rolling her eyes in her mind. I can't retain too much information okay! As soon as I learn something new I forget the old stuff. And it's been a busy few months at work. Plus, ahem, I'm doing the Antagonist cycle this time, instead of the Long Down Reg, don't you know.

I was also stressing about choosing an injection time for tonight. Once you pick you're locked in! I had to look through my rosters for the next 2 weeks to check when I may be free every night. I hope I've picked well or I'll have to come up with some creative excuses to run to the bathroom with secret object in hand!! Ugh. This shiftwork is seriously non-conducive to a cycle. Have I mentioned that already??? Injection went fine. Just like riding a bike. Did it on my own like a pro. Like the veteran I was supposed to be this morning.

OK, well off to bed to continuing reading "Legs Up And Laughing". I love it. So well written. So relate-able. Wish I could be that entertaining for my readers. Ha. All I get is spam feedback.. and sadly I get excited about that! Goodnight x